TGIF - Thank God (AKA Morgan Freeman) I'm Fabulous

Thursday 27 June - 1am

Here I am at 1am lying in bed with a seriously dodgy stomach. I'm scared to go to sleep in case (God forbid it) I accidentally 'shart'. The shame of it. Can you imagine actually shitting the bed? Ah man, I just want to be normal. 

My new tablets (amitriptyline) have given me the worst constipation ever so I resorted to desperate measures and took a load of laxatives the day before yesterday. Nothing happened. I took some again yesterday and NOTHING. So I just took another load again tonight and now I'm scared. Really scared. I'm scared to move or  laugh. I thought I'd take my mind off it by blogging. I'm not sure you want to read about this but hey, its relative as its about the side effects of my meds - I'm not just some random girl talking about sharting for the hell of it. This is my life right now. This is serious.  Lupus aint fun man.

I've had a rough day today. I've mostly been in bed in a lot of pain feeling extremely weak and totally sorry for myself. Poor, poor me.  The pain hasn't been all over my body, just in my hands but its been intense, like nerve pain. I was crying at one point which is not something I usually do. I finally managed to conjure up a tiny amount of energy to have a bath at about 3pm, got back in my pj's and mixed it up a bit by lying on the sofa in the living room instead of going back to bed (highlight of my day that was) and that's pretty much where I stayed.

I found out Sinead O'connor has fibromaylgia - apparently she gave up working for years because of it. Also, Morgan Freeman has it too. I was like, wow! God has fibromyalgia.  
I don't know why but I always see Morgan Freeman as God. Maybe because he plays God in quite a few movies? I'm not sure. Is that weird? 

Sami's mum had an operation today to correct some previous surgery so I suggested to her husband if she has to stay in overnight we can go to Pizza Express for dinner rather than him be home alone but luckily Viki was allowed home. So hopefully she will recover nice and quickly and be back to her fittest self in no time. 

I had my hair cut yesterday which was a nice treat, courtesy of my lovely Mummy. She treated us both and I must say, I'm rather pleased with the result! Feel like I haven't had decent hair for aaaagges. I also had it coloured the day before courtesy of Sami's mums friend and ex colleague, Janet. She did some lovely hi-lites for me and for a very good discounted rate. I am very pleased indeed.  And here's a nice selfie for y'all...for some reason this light makes my roots look darker than they actually are..

Prior to having my hair cut I went to see my GP to discuss how low I've been feeling recently and she has referred me for some counselling so I should hear back soon. She also explained to me that fibromyalgia can cause a chemical imbalance in the brain thus causing depression (yeah I just used the word 'thus') which I found interesting. She also said that perhaps I should be on an anti-depressant. Like a proper one not the one that I'm on to relax my muscles. I understand her reasoning but I'd much rather try alternatives first as opposed to swallowing even more tablets - who knows what they do to our bodies?? We'll see what happens. It was nice to go and have a chat with someone who took the time to listen to what I had to say. 

I haven't been feeling too bad this week, I feel down with all the pain etc but in a 'normal' way not in a 'Ohmygod what will kill me quickest - jumping out the window or putting my head in the oven?' Kind of way. So I would say its been a good week!

I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday. I know I don't work anymore so everyday should feel like the weekend but Fridays are just great. Everyone's happy. 

This weekend my plans are to go out on Saturday night and the rest of the time I'll be chilling and moaning about my life! I'm seeing my bestie for lunch tomorrow before she heads off on holiday and that's it. I was supposed to go to a charity gig for the meningitis trust at my old school tomorrow but I've been feeling crap all week so decided I should leave it. Its for an old school friend who is in a band (Urban Prophecies) sadly his daughter contracted meningitis and had to have her legs amputated - I'm happy to say that she got through it and is one of the most inspiring and beautiful little girls ever. So as I'm not attending I shall make a donation to the trust anyway.  

Here is a link to their song for the Meningitis Trust....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDc8FahNOM4 

Going to have a girly one on Saturday (hopefully I'll be able to) and head out to a Turkish restaurant. I'm really looking forward to it.  No idea what to wear as the sun has caused me some troublesome symptoms such as a rash all over my legs. If you are not aware, most people with Lupus are sun sensitive. The suns UVA and UVB rays can cause Lupus to flare. People get different symptoms such as skin rashes, dizziness, fatigue, nausea, joint pain and some people's lupus can flare up so bad they can become seriously ill with organ involvement. 

I have never really had any adverse effects from the sun but the past few days I have noticed I feel a lot worse if I've been out for a while. I get home and feel like absolute shit, much worse than when I went out. I feel sick, dizzy, really tired and weak - I couldn't even cook Sami dinner yesterday. I couldn't even open a bottle of water - I was a state! Also, my skin itches like a bitch and my legs are bright red.  I'm going to have to get into the habit of covering up and wearing factor 50. Fun times. Maybe I'll get a sun umbrella and walk around like I'm Joan Collins. 

Right, I'm going to try to sleep now. Wish me luck! Poor Sami. Its him you should feel sorry for - he has to put up with me!

G'night. Xxxx