19 Aug 2013

When Life Throws You Curves...Learn How to Use Them

Sunday 18th August 2013

Sooo I've been busy. Busy eating everything I can possibly shove into my big, greedy mouth. Here's the food low down; Sami and I went to Ela and David's on Friday where we had a take away (Thai food) I eat half the sea's prawns, loads of chilli prawn crackers, a whole rice and drank about 2 bottles of wine. Then on Saturday I met up with my friend, Claire for lunch. 3 courses, 2 cakes and a stomach ache later we went home where I proceeded to eat a whole family sized chocolate bar, because, well y'know, I hadn't eaten enough already. And today we had a family day out to Howletts Zoo where I was relatively healthy and had a jacket potato but when we got home I had crisps, chocolate and fizzy drinks, which really isn't like me at all - I rarely eat crisps and chocolate. Hmm I did also eat about 6 pickled onions...maybe I am up the duff! Or, 'up'a de fluff' as I once heard Gino D'campo say in his Italian accent.  Feckshitefecketyfeck I hope not. Annnnyywaaay....If I moan about weight gain you have the right to kick me in the shin. Unless of course I am pregnant, in which case keep your steel toecaps to yourself.

“Shins; a device for finding things in the dark. Or for kicking.”

Its been a lovely weekend but I am truly knackered now. Sami and I are in bed and its only 9pm.  Sami's K0'd bless him...Maybe he's pregnant too.

We are going on holiday in 6 weeks and I need to do some exercise, I want to lose a stone simply so I can stuff my face with cake, put on a stone and come back the size I am now. Good plan huh?

I tried pilates last week and the next day my arse cheeks were so painful I could barely sit down. Wtf. I thought pilates was gentle. It certainly wasn't gentle on my arse! I can tell you that for free. I think I'll try swimming instead. I might go tomorrow, we'll see how mashed up I am first. I'll have to lose a stone by exercising as I can't diet. Dieting changes my whole personality and instead of being jolly and silly I become a miserable, cantankerous (I like that word) anti-social arsehole. If I dieted for too long I'm sure I'd get an ASB0...or be on Britain's Most Wanted list for violent crimes.

Talking of diets, quite a few people (at least 4) have asked me if I'm going on a bridesmaid diet (I'm a bridesmaid twice next year) and quite frankly the answer is NO. I like my figure. I mean, I guess I could do with a bit of toning (hence why I'd like to get into swimming) and I do want to lose some weight before my holiday but that's only so I can eat more and not feel bad about it.  It might sound a bit big headed of me to say, but I like the way I look and I don't care what anyone else thinks. Sami aint complaining either so I don't think I need to go on a diet. If however anyone does think I need to diet then here is what I say to you, 'I have boobs and an arse and I like them.  And I like cake.'

I can't wait to be bridesmaid. I've never been one before, I've never even been involved in a wedding so it feels ultra exciting. I must admit after 6 blissful years together, I'm starting to become impatient waiting for Sami to make me a bride! But I can't really write about that as Sami will get cross. I think he's fed up of me humming, 'if ya liked it then ya shoulda put a ring on it' haha! Sometimes I even attempt to do the dance...Poor Sami! And I wonder why he's taking his time?

I was just talking to my friend Lexie and telling her what goes through my head on a daily basis and as she laughed I thought I'd share it with you guys also:

Upon waking

Rest of the day:

In bed:

And then I have a plane crash dream. Pretty much every night.

That's it. That's my life in a nutshell. I like pain killers and I want to be rich so I can drink wine from one of my many Louboutin shoes. Yeah and I wonder why people call me odd. I do try to be normal but it just doesn't come naturally to me. If you knew my family you'd get it and you'd realise I'm actually one of the saner ones. If you are my family and you're reading this, you know its true.

Right let's get back on track and back to the whole point of this blog - I've not much to report lupus-wise, sorry to disappoint those who wanted to read gore and in depth detail about my pain and turmoil (I like that word too, wow this bitch is on fire tonight!)  What I can tell you is I'm even more tired than usual (boring) and I'm aching as usual (more boring) and I'm quite 'glandy'. Oooh actually, I do have some gore for you - I have a sore ear which is leaking a bit so I think its infected. My lupus flared up pretty bad last week so the underlying infection could have been the cause. You probably didn't want to know that.  Well, on that lovely leaky ear note I'm going to attempt to sleep and think of nice things instead of the usual death thoughts.

Goodnight. Thanks for reading and humouring me. Gives me something to do all this blogging malarky. S'weird though because when I'm writing I'm kind of just talking to myself. I don't have anyone in particular that I'm writing to and I genuinely imagine that like 3 people read my posts. I'm waffling, I need to go to bed. G'night, sweet non-plane crash dreams xxxx

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