2 Mar 2015

Monday? What's that?

Why are Mondays actually so shite? They really are.  And I hate all that 'new week, new start' shit. No, just be miserable like the rest of us!  Mondays are the crocs of the shoe world (I've stolen that from some kind of meme I think) but it's true.

I shouldn't really complain as I don't work on Mondays but I still hate them due to the fact that I wake up feeling like I've been hit by a bus. And then run over by it.  I love my new job and I'm enjoying it so much but working a whole day on Sunday realllyyyy takes it out of me but it's something I'm more than happy to put up with as I'd much rather be working than not.  I'd love nothing more than to have a full-time job again but it's genuinely impossible.  The toll it takes on my body is unreal.

I work 5 hours on a Saturday morning and that's fine although if I'm going out on Saturday evening I have to take a nap first and then I do 9-6 on a Sunday which I really enjoy but I wake up on Monday morning so stiff I can't move for the first 15 minutes and then I gently stretch everything out until I can move and realise my whole body (muscles/joints/tendons etc/ hurts like hell and I have to decide whether I should try and get up or just go back to sleep. Today I chose sleep.  I woke up again at 12pm and didn't feel AS bad but still felt pretty damn rough. I had a bath, put fresh pj's on and got back into bed.  It's now 4pm and that's all I've achieved today.  I will probably get up to make dinner for Sami then that will knacker me out so I will get back into bed.  And that's why I hate Mondays! Mondays may as well not exist in my calendar as I spend most of them asleep.

I don't want this to sound like I'm complaining because I'm not at all and as I said earlier I'm happy to write a day off in my week if it means I can work. I just wanted to write about how I'm coping and how it really is to try and hold down a job when you have a chronic illness (or three). I always said when I started this blog that it would be an honest, no holds barred account of my life with Lupus and unfortunately it's not always nice to read or think about but this is how it is.

I've met a lot of new people at work and obviously you chat about work and when I say I only work at the weekend most people's response is 'Eh? So what do you do in the week' or, 'Oh ok, what other job do you have?' or my favourite one,  'So what are you studying at college?' Haha that makes my day when they ask that one.  I totally understand why people would ask these questions as its a completely reasonable thing to wonder why I'm only working 2 days a week but I dread it so much! In my head I'm like 'shit!' because I then have to decide whether to tell them I can't work full time because I have a number of chronic illnesses that cause me to feel exhausted and in a great deal of pain or I just say 'I just work 2 days and that's it' and I sound like a prick. Its a toughie. Hmm, what would you do?

I've told most of my colleagues about my illness already as I didn't want it to be a secret but it's hard to explain to new people and it's equally hard for people to understand when you don't look unwell.   In the past I've had people look at me and say 'But you look fine'.  Which if you know me, you will know how frustrating that is.  Especially on a day when it's taken me an hour to get out of bed due to pain and stiffness and Sami's had to wash my hair because I didn't have the energy and you get to wherever it is you're going and people say 'you look so well'  I punch those people with my mind. I'd never say anything because people aren't saying you look well to be a bastard, they think it's a nice thing to say so it's not to piss you off on purpose but still.

My Lupus doc told me that they never tell patients they look well because they know how much it can hurt their feelings.  I mean, feel free to tell me I look nice/pretty whatever but do not, under any circumstances say 'oh you look so well!' NO! Urgh and its even worse when people say it in an accusatory manner as if you can't possibly be feeling shite because you don't look like you do.  I love the term 'invisible illness' for this very reason.  Oh and please feel free to tell me I look like a dog/utter shite when I do because it will make me feel like you understand how I feel and that you can see it! Queue the 'you look like shit comments' Haha.

Annnyywaayyy....Not sure where that rant came from! And breeattthee!

So yeah having a job feels great even it means Mondays are spent in bed.  I fear that some people reading this are thinking they'd love to stay in bed all day on a Monday but trust me, you wouldn't. At 29 years old spending a day in bed because 1 and half days at work did you in is pretty depressing. I'd much rather have a career and I'd much rather be working full time.  I'm so unbelievably thankful that I am able to work again.  I spent the majority of 2013 and probably half of 2014 in bed, in pain, with not much of a life so to be able to get up and go to work feels amazing.  People get confused that I still have bad days because technically Lupus is in remission which is great and when I received that letter in December it was amazing to read but Lupus will never go away, there is no cure and I'm stuck with it forever (or until they find a cure) but as with any chronic condition, you have to pace yourself and when you don't, it will come and bite you on the ass.  So for me, remission is not feeling ill 100% of the time, I just feel ill when I overdo it, my body tells me and I really suffer for it. So although Lupus is in remission, it's still there.  It can flare up at any time and there isn't always a reason such as overdoing it/stress but you have to find a good balance in life which suits you.  For me, that was quitting my full time job and taking time out and when I felt ready, getting back into work but only part time.  I'm doing it slowly.  Not working is beyond shit, I felt so useless so as I said, I'd rather work part time and write a day off than not work at all.  Its important to feel you have a purpose in life.

I think I will leave it there today as I have waffled on enough.  I apologise for banging on about work. I hate it when people do that, I sit there and think, this is not interesting to me at all! Not even one bit! I'm like 'I could not give a shit if you lost a pencil and someone stole your sandwich' so that's probably how I just made you feel! Meh, I'm not on form lately. I'm too tired to be entertaining/funny. I'm going back to sleep.

Good night. xxx

27 Feb 2015

If you don't like it, don't fucking read it.


I still can't get over the fact it's 2015 and it's nearly March.  How did that happen?  Anyway, just thought I'd do a little update for y'all.  I'm still confused by the fact people actually read this blog. I mean it's great that people do but I still find it weird that people are interested in my waffle.

Some arsehole complained to me after they read a few of my posts and said they didn't like my blog because I swear too much, my answer to that was quite simple 'Don't fucking read it then.'  No, I didn't actually say that, I just said, 'I appreciate your feedback but if you don't like it then don't read it.'

I do swear a lot but this is a blog about living with 3 chronic and painful illnesses so there are going to be times when I feel the need to swear and sometimes a good old expletive helps me to emphasise a point, especially a pain related one. Ah well, that woman can go back to reading Enid Blyton or whatever.

I've had quite an action packed couple of weeks, firstly I went to the dentist and had a filling. I was so brave, I only cried a tiny bit. I am so pathetic when it comes to the dentist, my sister in law came with me to make sure I didn't run away but I was good.  The dentist told me that as a result of Sjogrens syndrome and one of my medications I have gum disease and early signs of bone loss so that was nice.  I wasn't expecting that to be honest but I knew it would come at some point in my life.

Sjogrens is the other auto-immune disease I have which is when the immune system is a bit stupid and attacks the salivary glands and tear ducts which causes dry eyes and mouth. Other symptoms include joint pain, stiffness and swelling, muscle pain, fatigue and memory issues which Lupus can also cause so I have the double whammy.  I can't tell the difference in symptoms except when my eyes are super dry then I know it's sjogrens and not Lupus, sometimes both flare up the same time. Erm so yeah anyway as I was saying, when you have Sjogrens you are more susceptible to gum disease and tooth decay because your mouth is dry and doesn't get rid of bacteria as effectively.  I know someone else with sjogrens who doesn't have many of their own teeth left.  And the bone loss is due to steroid medication.  I've done a whole post on steroids and the awful side effects because there are so many - if you scroll down to the bottom of the blog you should see it - it's one of my most popular posts for some reason.

So after my gum disease/bone loss scare I decided I should probably have my eyes checked, partly due to having sjogrens but also because I have terrible, terrible eye sight (my prescription is +7) and I am on a drug called plaquinil which can damage the back of your eye so I should have them checked every 6 months or so. Plus I wear contacts most days and haven't had my eyes checked in over 5 years so yeah, it was time.  Thankfully all is well and my prescription remains the same which was amazing news as since the age of 3 every time I've had my eyes checked they have deteriorated so I was super happy. I got some new glasses which was a nice treat - £329 though. Never mind at least I have some nice glasses now.

I also went to see my GP as my hand keeps swelling up - here's a pic of it yesterday:

She said it's probably a repetitive strain injury from work but personally I don't think it is because it swelled up yesterday and I had a chilled day all day and haven't been at work since Sunday.  Anyway she told me to take anti-inflammatories everyday for 2 weeks and come back if it's not better.  The only problem with that is I take aspirin every day for my blood so I've already been doing what she told me to.  She also sent me for a blood test to check the amount of inflammation in my body in case it's lupus related and I have to see her in 2 weeks to discuss so we will see.  God only knows what's going on.  I don't think it's Lupus because usually it's symmetrical and I'd have pain and swelling in both hands and probably other parts of my body but I haven't so I have no idea.  I'll just have to wait and see.

Bloomin exhausting keeping on top of all the things Lupus/Sjogrens can do/does to your body!

I don't really have any other news.  Ooooh I did have my hair cut today which was nice.  Wow, I've really been looking after myself lately! My hair is a lot thinner than it used to be due to plaquinil so although I'd love to have it long I think it looks fuller when it's shorter so I got over trying to have long hair and went for the chop.  I've had really short hair before when I was on the chemo drugs but I hated it, I think it was because it was too short and the fact that it wasn't my choice but this time it was my choice so it's not so depressing.

Ohmygod I do have other news - I checked how many views my blog has had and it says half a million.  I don't know if that means that many people have read my posts or if it's just people clicking on it and then obviously there are regular readers but still, half a mil?? I have no idea but last time I looked it was 30,000 and now it's 450,000.  How?? I genuinely do forget people read this, to me it's just like a little diary or a way to vent, it really does help me, especially on the really bad days where I'm in so much pain I don't know what to do with myself. I come on here, type some shite, get all my frustration out, press enter and it feels like it's gone then I get a message from someone else suffering with lupus or another painful disease and they'll say my post made them feel better or they understand how I feel and then I realise I'm not alone.... That was quite deep wasn't it? Hahaha lets all hold hands and talk about our pain and emotional turmoil. Hahaha sorry about that!

For once most of what I've had to say is positive (apart from the fact that I will probably be toothless in a few years) but hey, that's a while off yet so lets not think about that for now.

Right, I need to go to bed - I'm up at 5.30am.  It's very odd working at 7am on a Saturday, I haven't worked at the weekend since I was 17! Na-nights. I hope you all have a lovely weekend. xxx

18 Feb 2015

Lupus Playin Wid Da Wrong Bitch Yo!

Can you believe it's mine and Lupus' four year anniversary today?  Four years ago today that bastard changed my life forever.  If I'd have known four years ago what I was gonna go through I'd have probably shot myself.

Since then I've endured daily agony, I've lost and gained friends, I've hit rock bottom, I've taken more medication than I wish to count, I've spent the majority of the past four years in my bed or in my flat, I've had times of absolute despair when I've sat in the bath for hours crying and wailing, wondering how much more can a person take? I've cried more tears than most people will ever cry, I've debated with God (I'm not even sure I believe in God but desperate times and all that) I've had times when I genuinely thought I'd be better off dead because at least then I wouldn't be in pain.

Lupus is evil, random and stripped me down to my very core and as a result I am a completely different person now and funnily enough, I believe I am a better person.  I feel like after all that, all the pain, heartache (sometimes literally) all the shit times like being on chemo drugs and losing a lot of my hair, being on steroids and putting on weight, being in hospital, and having to give up my job because I couldn't cope, I feel like now I am building myself back up.  I lost a lot of confidence (which people who know me will know that's not something I ever struggled with before) and I didn't really realise until recently.  There were times when I wouldn't leave the flat for weeks and the only person I'd see was Sami, there were times when I just lied in bed all day long, hardly able to move with Jeremy Kyle and Facebook for company and times when I just felt so useless - what was my purpose? What was the point of me? Somehow I got through those dark days and managed to stay relatively sane and happy thanks to my friends, family, Sami and this blog but I don't think I realised just how crap it really was.  I mean obviously I knew it was crap, but I think I coped by telling myself it wasn't as bad as it was. Now that I'm working again (and loving my job) I've really noticed the difference in myself.  It's so nice to leave the flat on a regular basis!  It's great to be told you're good at what you're doing and its been really lovely meeting lots of new people and learning new things, as a result of this my confidence has definitely grown and I no longer feel useless.

I used to dread going to social events where there would be new people because I worried about what I'd talk about - people would say 'what do you do for a living?' or 'What have you been up to' and I'd say oh you know this and that or 'I'm planning my wedding at the moment' but the reality was 'I'm unemployed, on benefits and I lie in bed all day watching shite TV.' Or 'Today I slept for 10 hours then I woke up, cried for an hour and went back to sleep.'  Imagine the look on people's faces!

So what I'm trying to say is that after those very, very bleak times and losing a sense of myself, I am clawing my way back from rock bottom.  My confidence is slowly coming back and I can really feel the difference.  And although Lupus is really fucking shit, there are some positives in that I now appreciate much more than I did before and I think I'm a happier person because you don't take so much for granted, you value your time more, you realise you're not invincible, you learn who matters and whom you matter to.  Basically you realise there's a lot to be positive about.

The last four years haven't all been doom and gloom though, I also had the best day of my life when Sami and I got married and then we had an amazing honeymoon, we've been on various amazing holidays and my best friend got married so don't get me wrong, it's not all been bad but I still think I would've shot myself four years ago if I'd have known what I was in for.

I wonder what the next four years will bring?  I'm not sure I want to know. All you can do when you live with a chronic illness is take one day at a time which is such a cliche but I totally get why people say stuff like that now - because it's true and it's one of the best ways to cope.

Life is good at the moment - as I said earlier, I'm really enjoying my job and working part-time enables me to maintain a good work-life balance. Everyone is so nice and I'm just loving it.  Married life is lovely and we are hoping to sell our flat and buy a little house once I know whether I have a permanent position or not as I'm only temporary at the moment but we shall see what happens!

I promise my next post will be more entertaining - I'm not on form today as I'm knackered!  I just had to mark the 4 year anniversary and it was actually quite nice to have a little think about it all and to be able to say I'm finally coming out of the other end. Lupus aint beating this bitch.


14 Jan 2015

Positive Vibes and Mung Beans

Wednesday 14th January 2015

Shit! It's 2015! How the hell did that happen? Well I have some very good news (makes a nice change huh?) I had a routine appointment at the Lupus Unit on Friday (it used to be at St Thomas' Hospital in London and to be honest it was a bit run down but it's moved to Guys now and it's all shiny and new) anyway, I had my appointment and the doctor told me that all my blood tests (all 16) from my last appointment have come back perfect.  Yep, perfect! No dodgy things happening whatsoever. I have a normal cell count, my organs are functioning as they should, I have no inflammation and basically, I am ALL GOOD BABY! I was quite shocked to be honest but I have been really well for ages now so I guess that's why.  Lupus is fully in remission - I kicked that shit to the curb! Faye 1-0 Lupus. Mu har har har!! 

On a less positive note, (sorry) the doctor told me to take Aspirin everyday from now on as I have a high risk of having a stroke. Nice. It's very odd to be told at 29 years old you are likely to have a stroke unless you take precautions.  But hey ho! Nowt you can do about it, just listen to the doctors and don't worry about unless it actually happens.

Ooooh I have more good news - I started a new part-time job in Waitrose a couple of weeks ago and I am absolutely LOVING it!  To be honest I've wanted to work there for a ages.  When I was full-time and struggling to cope I wanted to apply for a part time job but then I deteriorated even more and couldn't work at all.  Once I'd taken time out, my health improved drastically and I felt ready to work again so worked one day a week with my bestie but I found the travelling and 9-5.30 day took it out of me and when I was planning the wedding it was all a bit much so I decided to stop.  Once the wedding was over I felt a lot better and more able to concentrate on other things so I started working in a friend's shop which I really enjoy and I'm hoping to continue doing so but I still liked the idea of working in Waitrose - it's a ten minute walk down the road, I like shopping in there and I love food/cooking and talking to people so it's a no brainer really!

I went online before Christmas and they had a Supermarket Assistant role going for Tuesdays and Fridays working from 11am-3pm. Perfect! So after doing the online application (which involves phsychometric tests) I got through the first round and was invited to a group interview with 7 others after which we had a 1:1 interview and were told we'd be contacted within a couple of weeks.  I was also made aware there were actually 2 jobs going, the 11am-3pm one and a night shift from 12am-8am. They asked me if I'd be open to that and I said yes (thinking that if I got it, I'd do it for a while and then hopefully change my hours once I'd got my foot in the door) they also told us the contract is only 3 months which is disappointing but a jobs a job at the end of the day!  Anyway I had a call 2 days later and they said they'd given those jobs to 2 of the others but they had an opening for a job behind the counters (meat, fish, deli, cheese etc) she asked if I'd like that and obviously I said yes, the only drawback is that its working Saturday morning and Sundays but again, I wasn't going to turn it down.  

So yeah, I started a couple of weeks ago and even though I didn't get the job I applied for, I think I've ended up with a better job as I am enjoying it so much.  There is so much to learn! For the first few days I was on the Meat and Fish counter and I learnt how to gut and skin fish, I also learnt a lot about different cuts of meat and how to cook different things and I've loved chatting with customers.  I'm looking forward to getting to the point where I can recommend products and recipes.  Then the other day I moved on to the deli and cheese counter which I also enjoyed - who knew there were sooooo many cheeses and salamis?

I've been doing overtime too which is nice - they have a sheet up with any extra hours going and you can choose which days you fancy doing, which is perfect for me, because if I'm feeling tired after my weekend shifts I don't have to do any other days but if I'm feeling OK then I can stick my name down.  I feel like it's the perfect job for me and the situation I am in.  I'd love to become one of their cheese or fish specialists or an advisor but it's only a temporary contract so I don't know if that will happen. One of the managers told me they are all really happy with me and he said he knows a good'n when he sees one and I'm a good'n. So that was good to hear. And I think I'm doing well with the customers - well, one sang to me the other day! Haha! And a few others have said nice things so I think I'm doing quite well so far.  Hopefully they decide to keep me on!

Not a bad start to 2015! 

After 3 months of marriage I can't tell you the amount of times people have asked when we are going to start a family. Grrr! Personally I think it's a very rude question to ask - especially someone with health issues like me.  In January 2013 we were told not to even consider trying for a baby because I was too unwell.  I was told my risk of miscarriage was extremely high especially later on in the pregnancy (grim isn't it?) however, all is well now and I've been told I am all good to go ahead (although I am still at a higher risk of miscarriage but not as high as before). At my appointment on Friday, the doc asked me how old I am and when I said 29 he gave me a leaflet regarding pregnancy and Lupus and practically told me to go home and get on it! I explained I've just got a new job and we only live in a small flat (on the 5th floor) so it aint happening just yet and to be really honest, I don't think Sami or I are ready - we are having too much fun!  However, it's no secret that I am extremely broody and have recently taken up the habit of welling up at cute babies but I am not ready yet.  I think the plan is for me to have a permanent job then we can sell the flat and buy a small house/bigger flat and then we might think about it. But for now, it's not on the agenda. If one more person asks I don't know how polite I will be.  Oh, and, 'How's married life?' Its the same! Nothing has changed! Nothing! Apart from my surname! Oh and the fact that Sami can't run away so easily now but that's it! Lord give me strength.

In other news, Mum and I have started Yoga and Pilates.  Mum has a heart condition and you know all about me with Lupus etc so we thought it would be a good idea.  We had our first session last week and both really enjoyed it.  I think I said in a recent Facebook status that I was hoping to get all 'Zen and bendy' but the next day I was feckin banjaxed! I was stiff as a board and couldn't laugh without it hurting my 'core' haha, not quite the image I had in my head.  In my head I was all floaty and softly spoken in a pretty kaftan with weird beads around my wrist. In reality I was walking around like John Wayne and making old people noises whenever I sat down or got up.  Hmmm maybe the bendy zen will come in time.

There's a Facebook thing going around at the moment where you change your profile pic to the first ever one you had.  Wow, I did not like doing it, it made me realise I've aged quite a bit in the last 8 years! I was like shit! I need to go get me some expensive anti-wrinkle cream that has words all over the packaging like 'amino peptide complex'.  I was feeling really shit but then I went to work and a colleague was shocked I was married and said I didn't look old enough. This made me extremely happy. Then I went to buy some wine (cos you know, I was sad about my crows feet) and the guy ID'd me.  This made me feel better and the wine became a celebratory bottle as opposed to a commiseration bottle. Perhaps I'm not so decrepit after all.

This has been quite a long post hasn't it? I hope I haven't waffled too much! I'm not at work today so thought I'd so something rather than just sit there watching Frasier.  I'm not planning on doing much else today though - I worked Saturday, Sunday, Monday and yesterday so its time to chill today.  It's quite nice now that I'm working I can relax guilt free. I always felt so bad before when I did nothing all day. I know I was ill but you still feel bad when your husband comes home knackered from working hard all day and you're there in yesterday's pyjamas with unwashed hair and all you've achieved is finishing the Sex and the City boxset (for the fiftieth time) but now I can have a day off without it being coloured in guilt.

Right now to do some hula hooping - I'm back on it after looking at old profile pics! Not only do I feel old but I also feel like a big fatty boofta. In my head I'm a 15 stone 60 year old. Hahaha. No point whinging about it - gonna go get some over-priced cream with complicated ingredients, do some hooping and get some mung beans for my post-yoga lunch tomorrow. Or Quinoa? Oh, something nutritious and weird.  And then I'm blatantly gonna be starving and binge on fried chicken and carbs! Loads of carbs! I'm really not cut out for this eat-clean shite. Eat chocolate and be happy. People on strict diets are so boring and highly annoying.  One of the those e-card things hit the nail on the head with 'No one likes a skinny, sober bitch anyway.'

On that note, I'm off.  Happy New Year to you all - I sincerely hope 2015 is a good one. xxxx

17 Nov 2014

Crazy Dog/Goat Lady

Monday 16th November 2014 – is that the correct date? I have no idea. I'll check it in a min. S'what happens when you don't work and spend a lot of your time asleep – all the days blend into one.

It's not been long since my last blog but I was just in the mood to write so thought I would anyway. 

I've had a good weekend – well Friday and Saturday were good but Sunday was spent vomiting – totally self inflicted so no sympathy needed (just wanted). 

Sami and I had a date night on Friday and watched The Hunger Games after I cooked us a nice meal and we had microwave popcorn which was great! On Saturday we had friends over for a dinner party and somehow ended up very, very drunk. We were playing Cards Against Humanity and then I don't remember much afterwards. Whoops! I love Cards Against Humanity – if you have a very dark sense of humour you will LOVE it and if not, don't go near it. So yeah, I woke up on Sunday with a mouth drier than camel's fanny and promptly had to be sick. Disgusting. I have not been that hung over for a very long time. Bad times, bad, bad times. Sami was not impressed. Apparently puking your guts up all day isn't how a nice wife should behave.

Thankfully I'm much better today and have spent the day going through our wedding pictures, updating my CV and doing shitey housework. Isn't it exciting?! I shouldn't really blog about that because it's not even remotely interesting but hey, this is a blog about my life. Sami just told me I don't need to iron his boxers or the bed sheets....is that a bit much? It is isn't it? Oh well, it keeps me quiet. 

Illness wise I'm not too bad apart from a very stiff neck – I woke up in AGONY. Basically I was having a bad dream and in the dream I got angry and must have moved too quickly and my neck did some weird thing and it felt like something snapped and this weird sensation went from my neck right up my head to my eye. It's happened before the one time I tried to do sit-ups. It's the scariest thing, I'd put in a parr with middle of the night leg cramp. Why does that shit always happen at 4am? Anyway, I woke up crying and Sami was just like 'What now?!' I told him I was dying from a broken neck and he just told me to go back to sleep and then the alarm went off like 20 seconds later! So yeah, I've not been able to turn my head much today. I've also been ultra clumsy lately. In the last week I've broken 2 wine glasses, a mug and I've spilt so much over the kitchen floor such as bbq sauce, beans, rice, you know all the things that are ultra annoying to clean up. So I'm not sure what that's all about.  I'll mention it to my doctor next time I see him. Do any of my friends with Fibro/Lupus ever get this? I'd love to know if it's related.

I'm typing this whilst watching I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here – this has got to be the funniest thing on TV ever! Ant and Dec crack me up! Oh em geee I'm in stitches!

Anyway what was I banging on about? Oh yeah, I was about to say how happy I am with the wedding pictures – it's so lovely to look back because to be honest the whole day is a bit of a blur. You're so nervous and excited and overwhelmed it's hard to take it all in properly. I have no recollection of walking down the aisle – it's so bizarre how I've somehow blanked it out so it was great to look at the photos. I can't wait to show them to everyone. Sami's Mum said I was the happiest bride she'd ever seen! Hahaha! I was ridiculously happy. Sami is literally the best human being ever and I got to marry him! I'd been waiting (not so patiently) for him to ask me to marry him for a long time, and as with everything Sami does, he took his sweet ass time! He is so laid back its crazy. I've never known such a laid back person. So after 7 wonderful years together we finally got married and I loved it. I said I wouldn't go on about the wedding didn't I? Sorry, I can't help it.

Here's a few pics for you....

Special moment with my Dad:

The moment I got to Sami...
This one was taken outside the office where we met:

My lovely parents in their garden - I love this Russian Ivy in the background!
We have around 400 pics but I will leave it there and do a post just for wedding pics once we have shown them all to our parents.
Omg it's Christmas soon! I LOVE Christmas! Everyone says things like it's time to appreciate your family and it's not about gifts, it's about getting together etc etc. NO. Sorry but for me, its blatantly about the presents! LOTS OF PRESENTS! PRESENTS EVERYWHERE!!! I mean of course I enjoy spending time with the family and all that but seriously, it is about presents. I get so excited my Mum still has to give me a gift on Christmas Eve. I just can't cope otherwise. When I was little I used to get sick all of Christmas Day because I was so excited. One year I even found all my presents, opened them and wrapped them back up again. Its not normal - at 29 years of age I should be able to cope but I still can't. I struggle to sleep on Christmas Eve. What the hell am I going to be like if Sami and I have kids? Oh Jaysus. It will be a whole new level of excitement/craziness.

This year for Christmas I'd like a pug. I ask for a pug every year and I never get one. I might sound like a dick by saying this but I usually get what I want except a pug. Sami says it's because we live in a small flat and it wouldn't be fair when we don't have a garden and all these other sensible things and I'm just like 'I want a pug, I don't care where we live, I want a pug!' I'm not the sensible one. Thank God I have Sami otherwise I'd have 2 pugs, a goat, one of those poorly donkeys on the charity adverts, a cat with three legs and every dog you see on the Battersea Dog's Home adverts. I seriously would, I'm not even exaggerating. I'd be the crazy dog/goat lady. For some reason when I wrote that I imagined myself in a smelly jumper with holes and manky leggings – why have I suddenly got manky?

Look at him....

My new jumper...

Right well,  that's enough from me. I'm off to bed. Na-nights xxx