22 Jan 2015

Remission?

Remission? More like Iwentawayforawhilebutnowimbackbecauseilikeruiningyourlife

Yeah so erm, after my boasting of being in remission on Facebook I have woken up today with a very painful and swollen hand which is where the pain always starts just before a flare.  The fucking cheek of it! Who the eff does Lupus think it is? Coming round here with its shitty reminders. What an Arsehole.

Sorry for my bad language (sorrynotsorry) but I'm absolutely livid. LIVID. I was literally so excited that after 4 years of hell, I was finally getting a break. But no. Just a teaser. I have actually cried from frustration this morning. Well it started with me crying at Undercover Boss (for some reason it always makes me blub and this episode with a woman whose dream was to drive a truck was no exception) and then the next thing I know, I'm whining 'waaahhhhh, I hate Luuupppussssss, Lupus is rubbiiissshhhhhh' Haha, I'm such a sap. Anyway I'm over that now but I just had to write because it really helps when I feel like shit.

I'm finding it hard to type because of the swelling.  I really hope this is down to me over-doing it rather than a full on flare up about to rear its big, fat, ugly, mugly head.  I've been so busy, socially as well as with work so I'm not surprised but I'm still pissed off.  It's just a cold, hard reminder that I'm not a normal 29 year old, I'm an 80 year old inside a 29(ish) year old's body.  I have to try and live like an old lady (taking naps, not over exerting myself, enjoying tea and biscuits etc) yet I want to see friends, go out and basically burn the candle at both ends but as soon as I do, I wake up and can barely move parts of my body and have pain in places I never even knew I possessed.  Oh and a hairdresser told me recently that my hair is a lot thinner than it used to be. Yes, I knew that - it's on my friggin head! And as quite a vain person (not ashamed to admit that) I am very aware of my face and hair and how I look, I do not need someone to point it out to me. I mean, seriously? 'Oh, Hi Faye, did you notice your hair is thin and you've put on 5lbs?' Fuck sake. Ok, maybe they didn't mention the 5lbs bit, but they may as well have.

Hmm, not in a very good mood today am I? Hence why I'm hiding in bed in my pj's and here I shall stay. FOREVER. No not really, just for a while....a few hours...Ok the whole day.  It's days like these where I could just open a bottle of gin and crack on...even though it's not the afternoon yet.  I resist this temptation on a regular basis as that's not a road I fancy going down.  I have enough illness to deal with without being a raging alcoholic. Plus I'm mad enough without adding daytime drinking to the mix. I'd be like Patsy from AB FAB gone wrong. Can you imagine?? Holy mother of pearl.



Well I'm not at work now until Saturday so I will chill as much as possible until then and I'm sure I will be fine.  It's hard because when you feel really well you want to do as much as possible and live some kind of normal life, especially after long flare ups where your stuck in bed but then Lupus is like 'Faye! Don't forget about me!' and I get a horrible reminder in the form of swollen hands, memory problems, fatigue, general pain etc and I'm like 'oh yeah, you!' Insert inappropriate 'It's about as welcome as...' jokes here.

So many people have been so happy for me that I'm in remission and now, if Lupus comes back with a vengeance I have to explain that no, its back, I'm not cured and I never will be which makes you feel like you're disappointing people.  I hope that sounds stupid because I don't want it to be true but that is how it feels sometimes.  Arrrghhh.

I usually like to end my posts on a positive note (even when they're full of negative and sad things) so I shall update you all and let you know that I'm still enjoying my job, everyone is really lovely and I'm enjoying learning lots of new things - I'm especially keen to learn about all the different cheeses (and try them as I go along) and then maybe I can learn about wines too cos y'know cheese and wine is one of the best combos ever and then maybe I will have an excuse to drink before 12pm?

I'm mostly on the meat and fish counters so have been doing lots of training regarding where the meat comes from etc and I watched a video about pork the other day and found out that pigs don't sweat as they don't have any sweat glands so the saying 'sweat like a pig' is totally inaccurate.  Who knew? Well now we all know. Just thought I'd share the knowledge.

Right, I'm gonna hide under the duvet and watch shitey daytime TV, although saying that I have recently got into Judge Rinder - he's hillarious! Ah, something to look forward to today! And maybe I will pop some of my lovely, strong painkillers and become a unicorn.  See ya later.  I hope you all have a lovely day!

xxx


14 Jan 2015

Positive Vibes and Mung Beans

Wednesday 14th January 2015

Shit! It's 2015! How the hell did that happen? Well I have some very good news (makes a nice change huh?) I had a routine appointment at the Lupus Unit on Friday (it used to be at St Thomas' Hospital in London and to be honest it was a bit run down but it's moved to Guys now and it's all shiny and new) anyway, I had my appointment and the doctor told me that all my blood tests (all 16) from my last appointment have come back perfect.  Yep, perfect! No dodgy things happening whatsoever. I have a normal cell count, my organs are functioning as they should, I have no inflammation and basically, I am ALL GOOD BABY! I was quite shocked to be honest but I have been really well for ages now so I guess that's why.  Lupus is fully in remission - I kicked that shit to the curb! Faye 1-0 Lupus. Mu har har har!! 


On a less positive note, (sorry) the doctor told me to take Aspirin everyday from now on as I have a high risk of having a stroke. Nice. It's very odd to be told at 29 years old you are likely to have a stroke unless you take precautions.  But hey ho! Nowt you can do about it, just listen to the doctors and don't worry about unless it actually happens.


Ooooh I have more good news - I started a new part-time job in Waitrose a couple of weeks ago and I am absolutely LOVING it!  To be honest I've wanted to work there for a ages.  When I was full-time and struggling to cope I wanted to apply for a part time job but then I deteriorated even more and couldn't work at all.  Once I'd taken time out, my health improved drastically and I felt ready to work again so worked one day a week with my bestie but I found the travelling and 9-5.30 day took it out of me and when I was planning the wedding it was all a bit much so I decided to stop.  Once the wedding was over I felt a lot better and more able to concentrate on other things so I started working in a friend's shop which I really enjoy and I'm hoping to continue doing so but I still liked the idea of working in Waitrose - it's a ten minute walk down the road, I like shopping in there and I love food/cooking and talking to people so it's a no brainer really!

I went online before Christmas and they had a Supermarket Assistant role going for Tuesdays and Fridays working from 11am-3pm. Perfect! So after doing the online application (which involves phsychometric tests) I got through the first round and was invited to a group interview with 7 others after which we had a 1:1 interview and were told we'd be contacted within a couple of weeks.  I was also made aware there were actually 2 jobs going, the 11am-3pm one and a night shift from 12am-8am. They asked me if I'd be open to that and I said yes (thinking that if I got it, I'd do it for a while and then hopefully change my hours once I'd got my foot in the door) they also told us the contract is only 3 months which is disappointing but a jobs a job at the end of the day!  Anyway I had a call 2 days later and they said they'd given those jobs to 2 of the others but they had an opening for a job behind the counters (meat, fish, deli, cheese etc) she asked if I'd like that and obviously I said yes, the only drawback is that its working Saturday morning and Sundays but again, I wasn't going to turn it down.  

So yeah, I started a couple of weeks ago and even though I didn't get the job I applied for, I think I've ended up with a better job as I am enjoying it so much.  There is so much to learn! For the first few days I was on the Meat and Fish counter and I learnt how to gut and skin fish, I also learnt a lot about different cuts of meat and how to cook different things and I've loved chatting with customers.  I'm looking forward to getting to the point where I can recommend products and recipes.  Then the other day I moved on to the deli and cheese counter which I also enjoyed - who knew there were sooooo many cheeses and salamis?

I've been doing overtime too which is nice - they have a sheet up with any extra hours going and you can choose which days you fancy doing, which is perfect for me, because if I'm feeling tired after my weekend shifts I don't have to do any other days but if I'm feeling OK then I can stick my name down.  I feel like it's the perfect job for me and the situation I am in.  I'd love to become one of their cheese or fish specialists or an advisor but it's only a temporary contract so I don't know if that will happen. One of the managers told me they are all really happy with me and he said he knows a good'n when he sees one and I'm a good'n. So that was good to hear. And I think I'm doing well with the customers - well, one sang to me the other day! Haha! And a few others have said nice things so I think I'm doing quite well so far.  Hopefully they decide to keep me on!

Not a bad start to 2015! 


After 3 months of marriage I can't tell you the amount of times people have asked when we are going to start a family. Grrr! Personally I think it's a very rude question to ask - especially someone with health issues like me.  In January 2013 we were told not to even consider trying for a baby because I was too unwell.  I was told my risk of miscarriage was extremely high especially later on in the pregnancy (grim isn't it?) however, all is well now and I've been told I am all good to go ahead (although I am still at a higher risk of miscarriage but not as high as before). At my appointment on Friday, the doc asked me how old I am and when I said 29 he gave me a leaflet regarding pregnancy and Lupus and practically told me to go home and get on it! I explained I've just got a new job and we only live in a small flat (on the 5th floor) so it aint happening just yet and to be really honest, I don't think Sami or I are ready - we are having too much fun!  However, it's no secret that I am extremely broody and have recently taken up the habit of welling up at cute babies but I am not ready yet.  I think the plan is for me to have a permanent job then we can sell the flat and buy a small house/bigger flat and then we might think about it. But for now, it's not on the agenda. If one more person asks I don't know how polite I will be.  Oh, and, 'How's married life?' Its the same! Nothing has changed! Nothing! Apart from my surname! Oh and the fact that Sami can't run away so easily now but that's it! Lord give me strength.


In other news, Mum and I have started Yoga and Pilates.  Mum has a heart condition and you know all about me with Lupus etc so we thought it would be a good idea.  We had our first session last week and both really enjoyed it.  I think I said in a recent Facebook status that I was hoping to get all 'Zen and bendy' but the next day I was feckin banjaxed! I was stiff as a board and couldn't laugh without it hurting my 'core' haha, not quite the image I had in my head.  In my head I was all floaty and softly spoken in a pretty kaftan with weird beads around my wrist. In reality I was walking around like John Wayne and making old people noises whenever I sat down or got up.  Hmmm maybe the bendy zen will come in time.


There's a Facebook thing going around at the moment where you change your profile pic to the first ever one you had.  Wow, I did not like doing it, it made me realise I've aged quite a bit in the last 8 years! I was like shit! I need to go get me some expensive anti-wrinkle cream that has words all over the packaging like 'amino peptide complex'.  I was feeling really shit but then I went to work and a colleague was shocked I was married and said I didn't look old enough. This made me extremely happy. Then I went to buy some wine (cos you know, I was sad about my crows feet) and the guy ID'd me.  This made me feel better and the wine became a celebratory bottle as opposed to a commiseration bottle. Perhaps I'm not so decrepit after all.


This has been quite a long post hasn't it? I hope I haven't waffled too much! I'm not at work today so thought I'd so something rather than just sit there watching Frasier.  I'm not planning on doing much else today though - I worked Saturday, Sunday, Monday and yesterday so its time to chill today.  It's quite nice now that I'm working I can relax guilt free. I always felt so bad before when I did nothing all day. I know I was ill but you still feel bad when your husband comes home knackered from working hard all day and you're there in yesterday's pyjamas with unwashed hair and all you've achieved is finishing the Sex and the City boxset (for the fiftieth time) but now I can have a day off without it being coloured in guilt.


Right now to do some hula hooping - I'm back on it after looking at old profile pics! Not only do I feel old but I also feel like a big fatty boofta. In my head I'm a 15 stone 60 year old. Hahaha. No point whinging about it - gonna go get some over-priced cream with complicated ingredients, do some hooping and get some mung beans for my post-yoga lunch tomorrow. Or Quinoa? Oh, something nutritious and weird.  And then I'm blatantly gonna be starving and binge on fried chicken and carbs! Loads of carbs! I'm really not cut out for this eat-clean shite. Eat chocolate and be happy. People on strict diets are so boring and highly annoying.  One of the those e-card things hit the nail on the head with 'No one likes a skinny, sober bitch anyway.'


On that note, I'm off.  Happy New Year to you all - I sincerely hope 2015 is a good one. xxxx


17 Nov 2014

Crazy Dog/Goat Lady

Monday 16th November 2014 – is that the correct date? I have no idea. I'll check it in a min. S'what happens when you don't work and spend a lot of your time asleep – all the days blend into one.

It's not been long since my last blog but I was just in the mood to write so thought I would anyway. 

I've had a good weekend – well Friday and Saturday were good but Sunday was spent vomiting – totally self inflicted so no sympathy needed (just wanted). 

Sami and I had a date night on Friday and watched The Hunger Games after I cooked us a nice meal and we had microwave popcorn which was great! On Saturday we had friends over for a dinner party and somehow ended up very, very drunk. We were playing Cards Against Humanity and then I don't remember much afterwards. Whoops! I love Cards Against Humanity – if you have a very dark sense of humour you will LOVE it and if not, don't go near it. So yeah, I woke up on Sunday with a mouth drier than camel's fanny and promptly had to be sick. Disgusting. I have not been that hung over for a very long time. Bad times, bad, bad times. Sami was not impressed. Apparently puking your guts up all day isn't how a nice wife should behave.

Thankfully I'm much better today and have spent the day going through our wedding pictures, updating my CV and doing shitey housework. Isn't it exciting?! I shouldn't really blog about that because it's not even remotely interesting but hey, this is a blog about my life. Sami just told me I don't need to iron his boxers or the bed sheets....is that a bit much? It is isn't it? Oh well, it keeps me quiet. 

Illness wise I'm not too bad apart from a very stiff neck – I woke up in AGONY. Basically I was having a bad dream and in the dream I got angry and must have moved too quickly and my neck did some weird thing and it felt like something snapped and this weird sensation went from my neck right up my head to my eye. It's happened before the one time I tried to do sit-ups. It's the scariest thing, I'd put in a parr with middle of the night leg cramp. Why does that shit always happen at 4am? Anyway, I woke up crying and Sami was just like 'What now?!' I told him I was dying from a broken neck and he just told me to go back to sleep and then the alarm went off like 20 seconds later! So yeah, I've not been able to turn my head much today. I've also been ultra clumsy lately. In the last week I've broken 2 wine glasses, a mug and I've spilt so much over the kitchen floor such as bbq sauce, beans, rice, you know all the things that are ultra annoying to clean up. So I'm not sure what that's all about.  I'll mention it to my doctor next time I see him. Do any of my friends with Fibro/Lupus ever get this? I'd love to know if it's related.

I'm typing this whilst watching I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here – this has got to be the funniest thing on TV ever! Ant and Dec crack me up! Oh em geee I'm in stitches!

Anyway what was I banging on about? Oh yeah, I was about to say how happy I am with the wedding pictures – it's so lovely to look back because to be honest the whole day is a bit of a blur. You're so nervous and excited and overwhelmed it's hard to take it all in properly. I have no recollection of walking down the aisle – it's so bizarre how I've somehow blanked it out so it was great to look at the photos. I can't wait to show them to everyone. Sami's Mum said I was the happiest bride she'd ever seen! Hahaha! I was ridiculously happy. Sami is literally the best human being ever and I got to marry him! I'd been waiting (not so patiently) for him to ask me to marry him for a long time, and as with everything Sami does, he took his sweet ass time! He is so laid back its crazy. I've never known such a laid back person. So after 7 wonderful years together we finally got married and I loved it. I said I wouldn't go on about the wedding didn't I? Sorry, I can't help it.

Here's a few pics for you....

Special moment with my Dad:

 
The moment I got to Sami...
 
This one was taken outside the office where we met:


My lovely parents in their garden - I love this Russian Ivy in the background!
 
 
We have around 400 pics but I will leave it there and do a post just for wedding pics once we have shown them all to our parents.
 
Omg it's Christmas soon! I LOVE Christmas! Everyone says things like it's time to appreciate your family and it's not about gifts, it's about getting together etc etc. NO. Sorry but for me, its blatantly about the presents! LOTS OF PRESENTS! PRESENTS EVERYWHERE!!! I mean of course I enjoy spending time with the family and all that but seriously, it is about presents. I get so excited my Mum still has to give me a gift on Christmas Eve. I just can't cope otherwise. When I was little I used to get sick all of Christmas Day because I was so excited. One year I even found all my presents, opened them and wrapped them back up again. Its not normal - at 29 years of age I should be able to cope but I still can't. I struggle to sleep on Christmas Eve. What the hell am I going to be like if Sami and I have kids? Oh Jaysus. It will be a whole new level of excitement/craziness.

This year for Christmas I'd like a pug. I ask for a pug every year and I never get one. I might sound like a dick by saying this but I usually get what I want except a pug. Sami says it's because we live in a small flat and it wouldn't be fair when we don't have a garden and all these other sensible things and I'm just like 'I want a pug, I don't care where we live, I want a pug!' I'm not the sensible one. Thank God I have Sami otherwise I'd have 2 pugs, a goat, one of those poorly donkeys on the charity adverts, a cat with three legs and every dog you see on the Battersea Dog's Home adverts. I seriously would, I'm not even exaggerating. I'd be the crazy dog/goat lady. For some reason when I wrote that I imagined myself in a smelly jumper with holes and manky leggings – why have I suddenly got manky?

Look at him....












 
My new jumper...
 













 
Right well,  that's enough from me. I'm off to bed. Na-nights xxx











14 Nov 2014

Return of the Bridezilla

Allo! 

It's me, I'm back! I've returned from wedding oblivion – you know that place brides go to be mental and not care about anyone or anything else whatsoever? Well, I made it out alive. Just.

I aint gonna deny it – I was one seriously mental bride. Well not a mental bride, but I was off my rocker for around 6 months beforehand. The wedding took over my life, it's all I thought about, talked about and dreamt about. So for all those I see a lot, I apologise. It's over now and I hope you still love me.  Poor Sami. Poor, poor Sami. I'm so surprised he was there at the end of aisle and not half way around the world screaming 'I'm freeeeee!'

Wow, all that craziness for one day. But what a day it was! I won't go on about it because less face it, other people's weddings are boring but it was lovely and a lovely experience. I loved it all and I'm so happy to be Mrs Ceyhan (pronounced Jeyhan, yep, you read that correctly a 'C' pronounced as a 'J') Some people say it's no different and technically it isn't – you're still the same annoying people but it just feels more solid now and to share the same surname makes it feel like you're even more of a team. I dunno how to explain it but basically I'm loving this marriage stuff. On honeymoon Sami and I kept saying to each other 'Dunno what everyone moans about, this marriage lark is great!' Lol! But we were on a beach in Mauritius and had only been married 5 minutes.

Right, I promise I won't go on about weddings any more, if I go on too much you have permission to punch me in my eye.

So apart from honeymooning, I haven't been up to much. We are thinking of selling the flat to buy somewhere bigger and we had an estate agent round today but nothing is actually happening just yet, we are trying to figure out our options first but it's all very exciting! It's weird – I don't feel grown up enough to be doing all these things like getting married and selling property! Selling and buying a new house is what you do in Monopoly, not in real actual life. It's madness I tell you! Madness!

Lupus wise its all the same old, same old - one day good, 4 days bad etc etc. I thank the Lord I was well on the wedding day as I had been pretty awful the few weeks before but I think it was all stress related. I've not been too bad since though, I'd say I'm better than usual but I think it's because I'm still on a high from the wedding and our honeymoon. I don't have post wedding blues or anything like that I'm just wandering around in my pink and fluffy bubble of happiness with the song 'happy' on repeat. Lol.

I have been quite bored with no wedding/honeymoon to plan though. What the frick did I do beforehand??? I really want to get a part time job but it's hard because when I feel well I'm all like ,'Yeeeeah, I can get a part-time job, it will be fine!' Then I get ill and I'm like 'What was I thinking? I can't be getting no part time job! You is crazy girlfriend!' haha. So I dunno, if I do it would only be local and maybe a couple of 4hr shifts or something. Sami reckons I just need to up my 'wife game' and start baking. I love cooking but I've never really been into baking – I'm scared I'd get too into it and we'd both end up morbidly obese. I often take things to the extreme – I'm not the kind of person to do things half heartedly, it's all or nothing! So I might have to leave the baking thing. Hmm, maybe I could just make my own bread or something? Sami would come home and there would be bread everywhere! Nope, I'll just stick with my normal cooking. 

I made a lasagne last night big enough for a family of 6, we eat half of it between us and then I wonder why I've gained weight since the wedding. Speaking of which, Sami being the wonderful man he is made it quite clear I'm not allowed to get fat or 'let myself go' now that we are married. I grassed him up to my Dad hoping he would say Sami is out of order or something along those lines but he said, 'Well, I think Sami should make you try on your wedding dress every year to be sure it still fits.' Cheeky bastards! They said they were joking but I think they kind of meant it. I told Sami he has to try his suit on every year as well and he just replied with 'At least I will get better with age, you'll just deteriorate.' Nice! 
Men do though don't they? With their distinguished grey hair and more mature outlook on life . What happens to women? We grow beards and tits down to our ankles. I'm gonna start saving for surgery now.

Anyway, not sure what else there is to tell you really, I could waffle on about our wedding and honeymoon but I'm sure that's not that interesting to you so I'll spare you the boredom. Other than that nowt much else exciting is going on.

After reading loads of negative stuff lately I decided I was gonna do a post about all the best feelings in the world such as fresh bed sheets, etc but I fell asleep (damn fatigue) so I'll probably do it another day. Aahhh! It's good to be back! I've missed blogging and waffling on about my life! I'm still surprised people actually read this shite.


Right, that's it from me, have a good weekend my lovelies and I shall be back soon.


14 Aug 2014

shoes

Wednesday 22 July 2014

Hi guys!

I haven't written for a month now which is the longest I've ever gone (I think) but basically I've been dying. Ok, maybe not dying (I can be slightly dramatic) but I'm not sure how else to describe the horrors that be my life of late.

Since the last time I wrote I've pretty much been in a flare. The MOTHER of all flares.  This flare was on a new level.  It wasn't even a Lupus flare it was a Fibromyalgia flare.  I think up until this week I've slept for most of the day plus the whole night.  I have struggled so much to stay awake and at one point I was in so much pain I almost admitted myself to hospital because I didn't know what else to do.

Sami was at football one evening and I called my Mum crying so much she got my Dad to come and pick me up (good ol' Daddy) and I stayed there for 2 days just so I wouldn't be on my own whilst Sami was at work. If I'm honest, I wasn't coping and I was scared. Really scared. I was saying to myself, 'How can I cope with this any longer? How am I actually supposed to live this way?' I felt like I couldn't.  Two whole weeks of constant and unrelenting pain plus exhaustion really fucking takes its toll on your sanity.  I tried to blog about it but writing it all down made me realise how shit it really is and I couldn't type the words without sobbing like a maniac so I stopped, went to my parents and took some time out.  I'd almost call it a mini-breakdown.

As you all know, I deal with a lot of pain etc but it rarely gets me down to the point where I question whether or not I can carry on like this but this time I'd really had enough. Thank god for parents eh?

So right now I'm a lot better.  The flare seems to be on it's way out now and my sanity has been restored but I'm still napping a few times a day which is annoying. All I want is to be a fully contributing member of society instead of someone who naps a few times a day, goes to work once a month and pretty much does nothing else!  I don't mean to moan but Jaysus Christ can you blame me?!

On the bright side, I am very grateful to have Sami who is a real life angel.  He looks after me so much, never moans and he spoils me rotten!  I'm so glad we have each other and I'm so glad I get to marry him soon.  An example of how sweet he is, is when he bought my wedding shoes for me a few weeks ago.  To cut a very long story short, I've had my eye on some very special shoes for many years now and the day I got my wedding dress, Mum and I went to Liberty in London and I saw these shoes in real life.  I tried them on only dreaming I could have them one day and after trying them on I fell in love with them even more but never thought I could have them.  Mum and I carried on with our day but I couldn't stop thinking about them and to make it worse they were perfect for my wedding dress - it's like they were made for my dress!  I said to Mum 'I have to get them! I have to save up and have them!' and she told me I should think about it as they are so expensive.  After sleeping on it, I decided that yes they were too much money and I should look else where.  I bought a lovely pair of typical bridal shoes but after a few days I decided they were too bridal and boring and they just weren't me so I sent them back. I then bought some other shoes online but they didn't fit properly.  I bought a third pair but there weren't comfortable so I decided to save up and buy 'The shoes'  I saved hard and once I had the money Mum and I went up to Harrods to get them and on the day Sami gave me his credit card and said, 'Here you go, darling, go get your shoes.' I said 'What? omg! No, I can't accept this!' But he insisted and said I can't buy my own wedding shoes and he'd like to treat me.  Well, obviously I took it and went!

Quite a few people have said it was ridiculous to spend so much money on shoes but I don't care. I tried other shoes but they weren't right.  To me, the shoes were almost as important as the dress because I am passionate about shoes.  I've loved shoes for as long as I can remember so it was important to me to have the most amazing shoes on my wedding day.  And to be quite frank, I have had so much shit to deal with in the past few years and if these shoes make me happy then why not?  I'm not usually shallow or materialistic so eff it!  Some couples buy expensive things for each other all the time or go out for expensive meals or buy jewellery but we tend to just do little things for each other like Sami will come home from work with a chocolate bar and a shitey magazine or I'll run him a bath when he gets in from football.  I don't expect him to buy me expensive things but on this occasion I think he realised how much I loved these shoes and he wanted me to feel amazing on our wedding day so he got them for me.  I'm even justifying it now but I'm kind of fed up of justifying it because with regards to the wedding we haven't spent fortunes at all, we've made lots of things, negotiated discounts and our reception is in a pub so if I want to be extravagant with the shoes then why not.  Plus I'll wear them again and cherish them forever! They're my babies!

It's things like that which make me realise I shouldn't moan at all. If I wasn't ill I think I'd have the best life ever! But then my illness makes me realise how much I have to be grateful for so it's all swings and round-a-bouts really isn't it?  Some people really don't know how lucky they are.  God what I wouldn't give to wake up with my health back!  If you are reading this and are healthy please count your blessings and realise how wonderful that is.

Ok have I waffled on for long enough now?  I'm falling asleep, I shall save this and continue tomorrow.

Na night xx

14 August 2014

Well, that was bloody ages ago! Once again I haven't written in almost a month.  I'm only really just coming out the other side of that nasty flare.  I had a few good days here and there but it's mostly been bad.  I went back to work last week for the first time in ages so that was nice.

I've had quite a frantic week but today I am looking after my friend's pugs, Charlie and Stanley.   They are so cute! for those of you who know me you will know how mad I am about pugs so to look after 2 for the whole day is a treat! They're asleep and snoring at the moment and it's making me feel very sleepy too.

Think thats my queue for nap time!

Be back soon! xx