9 Mar 2015


Currently sitting here trying to blog but I keep getting distracted by this 'Housewives of Atlanta' bullshit.  What the fuck is this shite? Seriously? All I can hear is a load of rich bitches harping on about the most pathetic 'problems'.  This is actually making me angry.  And what's wrong with their faces? They look like Sims characters or something, I don't know but whatever it is it aint human. One of them just came on screen with her big, fake head and said 'I've got the looks, the dream body, the dream man, I've got it all.' Yeah but you're still a prick.

Anyway I've been trying to write a post for about an hour but all I could write was 'feck.'  This page was just a white space with the word 'feck' written on it for over an hour.  I don't know why I couldn't think of anything.  I think it's because I'm wiped out after working at the weekend. I do Saturday mornings and all day Sunday and lord have mercy pon me, it takes it's toll - I  spend every Monday lying in bed recovering.  I know that must sound so odd to a healthy person but it's true. I wake up most Mondays feeling like I've been beaten up in the night. My joints are stiff, swollen and I feel exhausted, I rest all day or sometimes sleep (I slept for 12 hours last Monday and that was after an early night on Sunday) and on Tuesday I'm usually right as rain again.  So weird what Lupus does to the body. I don't really like thinking about it in too much detail as I'm worried I will feel worse, you know like when you cut yourself and it's only when you see blood you decide it hurts? Before that you didn't even notice you'd cut yourself.  Dunno if that makes sense....this is coming from the girl who could only write 'feck' for an hour.  Hmm not sure I'm quite ready to call myself a writer yet.

I'm seeing my lovely friend Beverley tomorrow - I can't wait as it's been quite a while.  I met her when I worked at a drainage company and she works next door.  We just hit it off and always have such a laugh when we meet up so I'm looking forward to that.  Hopefully I will have some energy tomorrow!

I will soon be eligible for my Waitrose discount card which also includes a discount at John Lewis. Omg the excitement! Sami and I have lots of John Lewis vouchers that people gave us when we got married so I've saved them to use when I get my discount.  We need new everything and I mean EVERYTHING. Every last thing in this flat is second hand apart from our mattress! Even our cutlery was given to us. I can't wait to buy all our own stuff!  Our bed is broken (don't be smutty) our bedroom furniture is a bit past its sell by date and I broke a drawer, we have a sofa that is about 20 years old and I'm not exaggerating (Jaysus Christ, it took me far too long to spell exaggerating. Shit I am not with it lately) we have my Mum's old towels (by old I mean she used them once and decided she didn't like the colour) we have my Sister in Law's Mum's mugs, a load of chipped crockery because I'm very heavy handed and break everything and our curtains, OMG they are disgusting and faded from the sun.  This is not good.  I don't know why we don't have any nice new stuff! So yeah, I'm very excited.  I've lied, we do have something new - our champagne glasses. You see, at least I have the right priorities.

I got some new glasses on Saturday and it's like seeing the world in a whole new light! I can see details and shit! I have HD vision! I was very glad to be told my eyesight hasn't deteriorated.  I was petrified and genuinely thought they were going to say it's worse. Ever since I was three every time I go to the opticians they tell me it's worse. I used to have to go the hospital for my eye tests but they discharged me when I was 16 so I went to Boots or Specsavers or somewhere and the optician (and I kid you not) asked me if I had a brain injury or if I'd been involved in a serious accident. I was like 'erm no, why?' and he said because he'd never seen someone with such bad eyesight that didn't involve some kind of trauma.  Thanks mate.  I laugh now but at the time I was mortified! I have to take extra special care now as one of my medications can cause eyesight problems but the optician checked the back of my eyes and everything is fine.  Also, Sjogrens syndrome can cause eye problems but luckily there was nothing wrong.  I wonder if Lupus itself can cause eye issues? Probably. Lupus is evil man.  I don't think I'll look into it, I'd rather not know.

Urgh talking of eyes, I've noticed my eyelashes are falling out (I have none left in the inner corners). My hair has recently become a lot thinner which I know is a Lupus symptom but now my eyelashes are leaving me. How rude.  Oh well, I'll keep an eye on it (lol) and maybe get some falsies or something.  Give that TOWIE lot a run for their money.  Why can't my leg hair fall out, that would be much more convenient than my head hair and eyelashes. Liberties.

Sami is currently watching the Arsenal Man-u game and I am praying Arsenal win. I can't deal with the losing sulks.  Sami is the least moody/sulky person I've ever met in my life but when his team lose it aint pretty.  I tend to just stay out of his way so I don't have to look at his face. Please lord, don't make have to look at 'that' face. Thanks.

So other than me getting new glasses and losing my eye-lashes I don't have much else to report.

I posted that 'Spoon Theory' thing on Facebook today, I've posted it a few times since my diagnosis but I just love it. I wish I could make everyone I know read it as its such a fantastic way of explaining how it feels to live with a chronic illness.  The writer has Lupus but it applies to any illness and that's what is so brilliant.  Invisible illnesses are hard for other people to comprehend and I get that but it sometimes so friggin frustrating.  I have said in the past I'd like to turn bright blue or green or something when I'm feeling unwell so people could see it.  If I didn't tell people have Lupus etc no one would ever know which is mad.  I don't want it to define who I am but I do like to tell people so that when I'm having a bad day I can say it without having explain the whole long story of what it is etc.  Plus I'm just an open book - it would go against my nature to hide something so significant from people.

It's ok everyone, Arsenal won! I have a happy husband.  I'm gonna go to bed now (I'm currently in bed where I've been all day but I mean close my eyes) I am exhausted. I went to bed at 11pm last night and woke up at 3pm today. I had some food, a bath and went back to sleep until Sami got home at 6pm. I made us some dinner and got back into bed! That's pretty much every Monday for me.  I was supposed to go to the doctor to get some blood test results but I had to cancel because I was so exhausted, there was no way I had the energy to get dressed and walk down the road and back. No way.  I've re-arranged for Thursday so hopefully I will be able to go.  The doc just wanted to run some as it's been 5 months and I should have bloods every 3 months really just to check my inflammation levels and blood count etc.  Nothing interesting.

Right its defo bed time now. Night guys. Thanks for reading. xx

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