So not feeling positive today. In fact I'm feeling like shit. I'm pissed off, I'm bored, I'm in pain and I'm fed up. This is complete and utter hairy bollocks.
I can't believe I've got to wake up everyday and cope with some form of pain. Today its pretty much all over. My whole body is aching, I've got shooting pains in my hands and feet and my thigh muscles are spasming. Plus I feel exhausted. The pain is really bad today, it's the sort of pain that makes you say, 'Oooooowwwwww' out loud. So I'm lying in bed, holding back tears and saying 'Owwwwwww!' Every few mins. If anyone could see me they'd think I'm nuts.
The worst thing is, this pain is coming from my brain. My own brain is making me believe I'm in pain and I can't control it. So frustrating. I just feel so weak. I'm still getting my head around all this fibromyalgia stuff. Wtf? I now have this as well as everything else! I thought it was hard enough without adding this to the mix of shit!
I've just eaten a family sized bag of maltesers after eating super healthy all week. Oh well sod it. I'm sad and in pain and I'll eat a whole load of chocolate if I want to. Lord knows if anyone needs to comfort eat right now its me. Highlight of my day that is.
Well the highlight of my day has changed! I am now the proud owner of a pair of Christian Louboutin heels! My lovely friend Becca just called me to say she's at a sample sale and asked if I wanted a pair. Ermm hell yeah! She's picked me up a pair of black Louboutins at a fraction of the usual price....these are now mine...all mine!
Not that I have money to spend on designer shoes but I'm going to put a whole load of clothes and shoes on ebay to make up for it. I can't wait to collect them and wear them alllll the time! I'm gonna hoover in them, take the rubbish out in them, hell I'm even gonna wear them to bed! I mean, that is where I spend most of my time so I might as well! Aaaaahhhh I have Louboutins!!! Woooo! This has made me smile even more than the huge bag of maltesers I eat earlier. Chocolate is good but shoes are fat freeeee!
Sami is so sweet he was just telling me about what he learnt about fibromyalgia today and he said he liked my blog post yesterday. He supports me so much. He's always researching things for me, encouraging me to rest and eat well and he always reminds me to take my medication which at the moment is a god send because I have no idea what's going on. The amitriptyline has really effed me up! I feel so spaced out and floaty all the time. You know when you first wake up and you feel a bit hazy? Well I feel like that all day. I am so glad don't have a job anymore otherwise I'd be screwed. I'm not even sure I should be left on my own at the moment. This is weird. The doc said I should only feel like this for around a week. I hope he's right!
My old boss sent me a nice message today saying that he can't believe I've added a new illness to my list. He said he doesn't know how I cope. A lot of people say that and I never know how to respond because I don't know myself. I guess chocolate and new shoes help!
Right time for me to take some more amitriptyline or as like to call it - amitrippingout and erm probs just sit on the sofa like a spaced out weirdo.
This is what my brain is like at the moment....
Let's hope tomorrow is a better day!