11 September 2013
Help me. Heeeellllp! I'm such a mess today. I've said it before and I'll say it again; it feels like my blood has been replaced with battery acid. My whole body is aching and burning, my glands are huge and tender around my neck, my throat hurts, my muscles are spasming like they are having some sort of rave and basically I feel like shit. I've had a very busy few days and I must be coming down with something. Great. I think today will mostly be spent lying down and moaning...not in a good way!
I went out for dinner with my friend Amy on Friday and didn't end up getting home till around 3am. We went to a Turkish restaurant and then on to a pub. 3 bottles of wine and a few shots later we got home about 3am and wow, I felt rough on Saturday! Jaysus! I was due to go to a mate's BBQ at 12pm but I didn't get there until 6pm. Whoops. Once I got there, I had a nice greasy burger and a can of coke and I felt so much better!
On Sunday Sami and I went to his Mums for a family meal which was really lovely. They cooked for 17 people! We had a gorgeous meal and a nice catch up with everyone and Sami was loving spending time with the children - makes my heart melt seeing how good he is with kids. I'm dangerously broody at the moment! But we've always said we'd get married before we have kids so don't get excited just yet!
On Monday I went to see Macklemore with my best friend at the Brixton Academy - it was effing awesome! We had a ball....We went to an after party and didn't get home till around 4am (another late night). We are naughty.
Here's me and the bestie by the stage like little groupies...
So as you can see I've been very, very busy indeed and my body is not best pleased! I've definitely got a cold or something as well which doesn't sound bad but having a cold and lupus is not fun. The cold makes the lupus flare up so its almost like having the flu.
I can't stand it when normal people moan about having a cold. I'm like 'Fuck you!' I'd love to just have a cold now but instead you end up feeling like you're on your deathbed. I'd love to see some people walk a day in my shoes. Its not easy. Sami wonders why I always want designer shoes such as Louboutins and Jimmy Choos, well from now on I shall tell him its because it makes my journey easier. If you've got a hard road to go down you may as well do it in style, hey?
So I've had a bath and I'm now going to put on my pug pj's and pretty much do nothing else. The flats a bit of a mess and could do with some TLC but I really don't have the energy today. I also need to go down the road and get some more medication but again, I don't have the energy. Hopefully I'll be able to tomorrow. Its days like today when I actually think I could do with a carer. A fit one who will feed me grapes.
I guess I'll have to watch shitey daytime TV today - that Loose Women programme is back. I really wish they'd go and have their menopause somewhere else. Bunch of bitter old women with nothing nice to say about anyone. I can't stand them and whoever does their make up should be sacked after being told to go to specsavers and don't even get me started on what they wear. Ok so its best I avoid that today. Might make me ache even more.
I'd read a book but I've got quite bad lupus brain fog today so I'll end up reading the same page 5 times before it finally goes in my brain. So annoying. Hmmm maybe I will watch a film. I've got a big Disney collection so I could do that. Yes, that's what I'll do.
I'm falling asleep writing this. I really am a mess today. I thank God for everyday that I don't have a job to go to - eff that. I would like to go back to work at some point but not yet. I did think I'd be ready by now but I'm really not. I cant even conjure up the energy to make breakfast! I've decided when we get back from holiday I'm going to volunteer in one of the charity shops down the road for maybe 2 days a week and see how I get on. If it goes well and I feel ok then I can consider getting a part time paid job. We'll see what happens.
I'm going to have to leave it there today and close my eyes for a while. Sooooo tired. I will also say a prayer before I go to sleep for all the victims of 9/11. Can't believe that was 12 years ago....feel a bit silly now, sitting here moaning about my life. I'll make a very big effort not to moan for the rest of the day.
Catch y'all later xxxx