21 Mar 2013

But you don't look sick? Well, you don't look stupid....

But you don’t look sick?  Well you don’t look stupid.....

Today’s post is red for anger.  This is the wrath of Faye....

If I had a pound for every time someone said ‘But you don’t look sick’ ...well I wouldn't be rich but I’d probably be able to buy a few new pairs of shoes.

I know people mean no harm by it but it really is very frustrating.

Say for example when it has taken me aaaaggges to get out of bed because my joints are so stiff and painful and then I go through the whole obstacle of course of getting ready, (see my post titled ‘lupus and all its friends' for more on that) I’m in pain, I’m tired from my shitty nights sleep because of all the night sweats and I get to where I'm going when I’ll be chatting away with people when somehow it will come up that I have Lupus etc and someone will say ‘Really? But you don’t look unwell’. 

I just think for fucks sake here we go again... I find myself defending my illness and trying to explain the severity of it whilst the person searches for some kind of outward sign.

People’s ignorance is astounding.  Although I don’t want to look sick, when people say but you don’t look it, it makes you feel like they don’t believe you or like you can’t really be that ill.  Sometimes when it’s said, I’m in so much pain, holding back tears and it just tips me over the edge.  I'd really rather not be judged on how unwell I am by my appearance.

I know people just want to help and you can’t always say the right things but seriously, think about what you’re saying and how it might affect people that live with an illness day in, day out.

Also, if you’re close to someone with an illness, then it’s a good idea to read up on it. This will be highly appreciated by the person with the illness.  At least then your opinions will be much more informed and it shows you care.

Another challenging aspect of living with Lupus is the general lack of understanding.  For example I might be having a day where I'm being a bit quieter than usual (I must add this is a rarity) and someone will say 'What's wrong with you today?'  I think are you being fucking serious????  I say in my head 'Oh my effing god, would you like to be me for a week and see how you cope?'  I don't have these quiet days very often but I think I am more than entitled to the odd 'off day'.

Someone actually said to me once,  'You're very happy-go-lucky, it's great you're so positive, although I'm not sure if it's all a bit of a front'.  What the hell?  Yeah because I've really got the energy to put on a front all day long, everyday and I'd really put it on for you.  Feck off back to wankerville will you and stay there.  Douche.

So as well as the daily challenges of living with a chronic illness I also have to deal with twerps who have no idea.

And people who moan that really have no reason to! OH WOW.  They are sooooo lucky I do not punch them in their eye.  Because one day I will....so when you're moaning (and it's really not warranted) think about your audience  and whom you are moaning to - they might have real reasons and might just punch you.  In your eye.

PHEW! That's my rant over with today! Chamone muthafukka!

This really is a form of therapy!  Thanks for reading. xxxxxxxx


  1. Love the ranting Faye! Thanks for educating me on Lupus :) Nicole xx

  2. I know it so well, Faye! That's why I always say I'm fine when people ask me how are you! They don't want to hear you're not well, they don't know how to deal with it! Hang in there, it will get better!