15 Apr 2013

Life is too short for shit shoes

So you feel shit BUT you don't have to look it...

Looking shit will make you feel shitter. FACT. It's human nature.  Like when you accidentally cut yourself chopping veg or something and you don't really notice it until you see it's bleeding and suddenly it really hurts...

Look at yourself in the mirror, hair like a bird's nest, smelly pits and greasy face - you look like a hot mess and oh surprise surprise you feel it!  Get in the bath/have a shower, blow dry your hair (or get someone to do it for you) put a little bit of make up on, wear some clean PJ's and FEEL GOOD.  You will feel so much more positive if you smell fresh and have a decent looking face.  I'm sorry but there really is no excuse for looking like a dog....unless you look like this dog....

This is a special shout out to Bella, she's a friend of mines and sadly she was recently attacked by some other dogs - the owner is a complete an utter C word and needs to have his human rights removed.  But she is very pretty don't you think?  Can you say dogs are pretty? is that weird?  

So as I was saying, even on my death bed I would have mascara, shaved legs and clean hair...and a decent outfit...and nice shoes.

There especially isn't an excuse for shit shoes....life is far too short for shit shoes.

Ok, maybe I wouldn't actually have shoes on when I'm on my deathbed but I would probably have them at the side - y'know just to look at.  Which reminds me - I have a confession to make....I think this will make me sound mad but whenever I buy/receive new shoes I usually put them beside the bed so that when I wake up the first thing I see is my new shoes.  OOOOH! New shooooes!

When I was 5 we had a babysitter (Ashley) and one night  when my mum and dad went out I had the BIGGEST tantrum ever because I had some new (red and glittery) shoes which I insisted on wearing to bed.  Ashley was not having any of it but I cried so hard I ended up with a migraine so she let me wear them...I was FIVE!  My Dad likes to tell people about the next day when I said, "Daddy, look at my lovely new shoes! All I need now is a hat to go with them"  I think he replied, "Oh shite, your mother taught you well" Oh, she did Dad.  She did.

You can be fat or thin, or just plain shit at putting an outfit together but you can still wear a good pair of shoes.  Shoes will always fit you.  Shoes will not let you down.  So please, people, look at the shoes you're wearing and ask yourself, "Are these shoes hot?" If the answer is no, take a shoe off and hit yourself with it.  Hard.  You deserve it.



There is an exception to the rule - such as people who have no choice but to wear shoes for practical/comfort reasons but if you are not one of these people you have no excuse. NONE.

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