7 Apr 2013

Lupus and Relationships

How does Ill health affect your relationship?

People often ask me 'When is Sami gonna put a ring on it?' Which is fine, this is a perfectly natural question to ask as we've been together for 5 years now and a year or so ago, when my health wasn't such an issue I was wondering the same thing.  However, I must add that I have always been happy for Sami to take his time as I'd never want to be one of those desperate and pushy girlfriends who basically forces their other half into it.  (Although, I do enjoy singing along to Beyonce's 'Single Ladies' whenever it comes on the radio for a bit of a wind up!)

Anyway when you have an illness and have been really, really unwell things change.  Your outlook, your priorities, the way you think and feel and now for me, marriage just isn't at the top of the to do list. 

These days I tend not to think too far ahead as it is a challenge (and an achievement) just to get through the day.  It really is one day at a time at the moment.

How could I contemplate planning a wedding when I can't even plan a day out a week in advance for fear of being too ill?  How could I even think about it when most days I'm not even awake!  My health is just too unstable at the moment.  So the answer is, Sami and I will get married when the time is right for the both of us.  When Sami is ready to make that commitment and I'm not half dead.  The most important thing is that we are happy and I realise that now more so than ever.

As for babies well thats a whole different story as my health may pose some challenges so we will have to wait and see.  Right now its just about us and I'm not ready to share Sami just yet!

Another thing people ask me is how does Lupus/chronic illness affect your luuurve life? Well, I'm not prepared to go into details as that stuff is private but lets just say you make the most of the good days.

Some people may not be able to stay with a partner who is chronically ill.  It's very stressful for everyone involved and certainly does test your relationship.  In mine and Sami's case I would say it's actually brought us closer together and made us stronger.  He has stood by me through it all and is so supportive.  He really is my rock.  He would do anything just to make me smile and he is constantly making me laugh with his dry, silly sense of humour and intelligent wit (he is definitely the funniest and most intelligent person I know)

If it was the other way around I don't think I'd cope.  I just couldn't bear to see Sami in pain.  I'd be so angry with the world.  I would much rather be the sick one, 100% I'd always choose to be the sick one.  Which is funny because Sami always says he doesn't know how I cope.  He says, 'If I was you, I'd be a complete mess!'  So I guess its worked out quite well then.

I do bear a lot of guilt as I hate knowing he worries about me and I always say, 'It must be so hard for you.'  He smiles and says, 'Darling, its a million times worse for you.'  

If I didn't have Sami in my life I really don't know what I'd do.   I am very lucky indeed.

So how has lupus affected our relationship?  Weirdly, I think its made it even better  than it was,  its made me realise just how much Sami loves me and how much I love him, the fact that we can get through something like this makes me think we can get through anything.  I appreciate him more and never take anything he does for granted which is all too easy to do.  I feel like our relationship means more than before because he has helped to be strong and remain positive even when all I want to do is hide away from the world.

Here he is....

My rock, my world, my bestest friend xxxxx

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