3 Jun 2013


Monday 3 June 2013 

Hey readers and fellow Lupies! I hope you are all well or as well as can be.

I've had a relatively good weekend. It was Sami's birthday on Friday so we went out for dinner with all his family. It was nice to all be together but the meal was a bit on the shite side. Never mind. Sami enjoyed his and it was his birthday so that's all that matters really. 

Ela and I made Sami this baked blueberry cheesecake (with the help of Ela's friend Beth) Sami loved it! It did taste good.


Ela was very sweet and washed up after while I slept. I was knackered. I'd used all my spoons. Please see the spoon theory story if you have no idea what I'm banging on about! 

Sami went on a helicopter thrill ride on Saturday (I was not happy about this). I worry about things like that. He got home safe and sound so it was ok. His Mum's husband, Chris invited him. It was a birthday present for Chris from his daughters and there was a spare seat going to Sami went along and I stayed at home worrying out of my mind like a weirdo.

When he got back we were due to go to a party. (Sami's best friend Graham's brother and wife (Rob and Lucy) were celebrating as they are having a baby) but unfortunately I wasn't really up to it. I've had a lot of dizziness and brain fog recently and the only thing that helps is laying down so I basically spent all of Saturday in my bed! I was also super tired. I had a bath and didn't even dry my hair. Shock! Horror!

I was gutted I couldn't go to the party as I was looking forward to seeing Rob's friend Nuala. She reads this blog and we met once at Lucy's hen party and just hit it off. She has moved to London now so I'd like to be friends. Nuala messaged me and said we can meet for a coffee instead so we'll do that soon. I love making new friends.

Yesterday Sami and I popped out to get a birthday present for his nephew who will be 2 on Friday. We got him a little sandpit so exciting! Then Ela came over for dinner and we just chilled. I was fine all day until about 7pm when the dizziness and foggy feeling came on. Its weird, I keep feeling like I'm going to pass out. I had to stop doing the washing up half way through the other day as I genuinely thought 'Shit! I'm going to faint'. No idea what that's all about. I'll talk to my lupus doc about it when I see him next Monday. I can't wait to see him and hopefully get some new medication because my current stuff is NOT working!

I think the dizziness I'm experiencing is caused by of of my medications (mepacrine) because I had severe dizziness for a month in January and at the same time, I decided not to take mepacrine anymore as it tastes disgusting and I didn't feel like it was having any affect and the dizziness went shortly after I stopped taking it. I've recently started taking it again and I'm dizzy. I doubt its a coincidence. Other than that I'm feeling good. Oh, I do have a sore eye - check it out:

It kills, I can barely open it. No idea what's caused it. Lupus is one evil, weird and stupid disease.  I have literally had pain in some form everyday since December. How I'm still sane I have no idea.  

I've decided I'm going on a diet this week. I can't cope with these extra pounds I'm carrying at the moment. Plus the summer is here and I don't want to be covered up in baggy clothes, feeling depressed and fat.  I'm not far off wearing elasticated trousers.  This thought makes me shudder.  And on that note I feel I have to share something with you all - Sami's Mum is a hairdresser and used to work in Sami's Dad's salon (he is a hairdresser too) and one day this little girl looked out of the window at an elderly person dressed in beige and asked Viki (Sami's Mum) 'Viki, why do old people dress like biscuits?' This cracked me up! And since then I can't help but notice that old people DO dress like biscuits.  When Sami and I are out we'll say 'biscuit' about 20 times.  See if you notice it now...

I've never really been on a diet so I'm not sure want to do. I'm thinking 3 meals a day, no snacks, smaller portions and obviously healthier options. I don't think I eat badly, I cook fresh food every night, most things from scratch (I hate packet food), I don't eat lots of junk, I hardly ever have take aways or fast food but I do eat a lot. My dinner plate looks like a mans and at only 5ft (just) I should be having smaller portions. So I'm gonna start this week. I want to lose a stone and get back in my size 8 clothes. Sami says that's too skinny (he likes me at a size 10 and I'm a 12 at the moment) so we'll see. I was a size 6 when we met and he wasn't complaining then! He's very sweet and tells me I look nice every day. He says I don't need to lose weight but I'm not comfortable at the moment.  

Its just weird for me as someone that's always been slim to suddenly start gaining weight. Not only do I have to battle this fucktard illness but I also have to deal with weight gain due to the medication. Arrrgh. So annoying and I don't have the money to buy bigger clothes!

Never mind, I guess there are worse things to complain about. 

People say oh why don't you just exercise? I wish I could reply, 'Are you stupid? Would you be able to exercise with swollen joints and muscles and extreme exhaustion? Would you?!' Or people say just go on a diet. For those that don't know, steroids give you the appetite of a beast! Plus they cause your body to retain water and salt which also causes weight gain. I mean perhaps I just have no will power but the hunger they cause is immense. I actually feel sick if I don't eat. I feel like I can never get full. So simply going on a diet is really difficult. I just wish people would think before they speak. Seriously. Lupus has taught me that people really can be ignorant twats.

Right, I'm going to get up and do some housework now considering I'm feeling OK. Sami will tell me off and say I should be resting but when I'm feeling good I like to get shit done! 

Catch ya later x

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