20 Jun 2013


Tuesday 18th June
After all the recent bleakness, black clouds and boo hoo poor me stuff  I have decided I am going to sort myself out and get my shit together. 

Firstly, I need to lose some weight and that aint gonna happen whilst I sit on my lard-arse crying (well, that's if you can call wailing like a banshee crying) and eating huge bars of chocolate. So first of all I am going to ensure I go for a walk everyday - except the days I am unable to walk (obvs). Secondly, I am going to arrange a doctor's appointment in order to get counselling because let's be honest I need that shit. Then, I am going to get on top of the housework and stop all this fecking wallowing in my own self pity. I don't know how Sami puts up with me I really don't. He's an angel. My Angel.

Wednesday 19th June 
I'm feeling a lot more positive today after having a word with myself yesterday.  I've spent the day shopping with my Mum and bought myself a new white dress for Tonya's birthday drinks on Saturday. I got it home and noticed there are foundation stains on it. Including one right by the arse - it looks like I pooed myself!! So I have to take it back tomorrow. Never mind shit happens. But who puts foundation on their arse!?

I also tried on this cheap white dress and sent a pic to Sami saying 'Look, Sami, I've found my wedding dress' Heehee! He just laughed. Not sure he was too amused. 

Anyway it was nice to get out and spend time with my Mum, we had a lovely day and a nice lunch and now I'm sitting at home watching Sex and the City thinking I want to be as skinny as these skinny sluts. They are sluts aren't they? They all shag anything and everything that looks at them. Anything that even gives them a sideways glance.  In this episode Carrie is basically being dry humped against a wall by an old man she met 5 minutes ago. Wtf? she's in her 40's! You can't go around dry humping in public.  Anyway in order to be a size nothing with sticky outy collar bones I'm thinking of cutting out carbs. I can't believe how much weight I've put on recently. Sami told me to STFU and stop going on about it but I just don't feel right. To top it off my new tablets have given me the worst constipation ever (seriously, as if living with illness isn't bad enough you also get all these side effects from all the different meds) I think that might also be contributing to my feeling like a whale. A beasty, blubbery whale. Ok maybe I am being a bit silly. But I'd like to lose a few pounds and get back to my pre lupus diagnosis weight.

Wow, Lupus really is a biyartch and as for its mate Fibromyalgia well she's also a bitch and she can fuck off too. One day they will runaway together and I'll be pain free, energetic and bouncy like a bunny. One of these days I tell you.

Right no carbs for a week. Can I do this?  I WANT BREAD!!!!

Thursday 20th June
Shit motherfucker shit fuck!! I have woken up feeling battered. I am even having trouble writing this. My whole body feels bruised and tender and I'm aching all over. Shitting hell, one day out shopping = one day in bed.  It's the price you pay.  I totally need someone to come and sing 'Soft kitty, warm kitty' to me.  Anyone? No didn't so. 

I knew this would happen. Mum wanted to go shopping today instead of yesterday but I've got my old work friends Megan and Lexie coming over tomorrow so I said to my Mum let's go shopping on Wednesday instead and that way I get a day to rest before Megan and Lexie come over.  Its bollocks having to plan your life around an illness but I guess that's what I got to do now. That's just the way it is. I'm slowly learning how to pace my activities but I find it hard because I used to be able to do lots of things and now I can only do one thing a day and sometimes need to keep the next day free to recover!

Ok so my plan for today is to chilllllll.  I was going to start my exercise regime but I can't now because I'm in too much pain (I'm never going to lose weight at this rate) I'm going to get washed and dressed then probs nap as that will knacker me out then I'm going to sit on the sofa and relax. I feel like I've been run over. Twice. 

Must repeat to myself all day, 'No carbs, no carbs, no carbs.' 
I WANT BREEEEAD! 'No carbs, no carbs.'

Don't you think its funny the word die is in diet?? Hmmm says a lot really doesn't it.

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