6 Aug 2013

Unconditional Love

I'm not gonna lie, having Lupus and Fibromyaglia sucks arse.  BIG TIME. But one of the reasons I remain so positive is Sami. Without Sami, my life would be miserable.  I'm not sure there are many young men  that would stick around with someone who has been as ill as I have.  In fact I think most men would run a freaking mile.  Not Sami though.  He has stood by me through everything and never complains, never makes me feel guilty and has never let me down.

When Sami is there I know I'm safe and in good hands.  I can even say that sometimes when I've been in loads of pain, Sami will hug me and I genuinely feel better.  Sami has a special warmth and a genuinely nice nature.  All he ever wants is to make me happy and he succeeds every single day.

I don't think there is any other couple that loves each other more than me and Sami do.  I actually miss him when he's at work - ok that is a bit much and slightly on the clingy side of life but I do.  After 6 years together I still get butterflies.

"Just because life might not go the the way we planned it doesn't mean we won't be happy"

Someone said to me recently how do you know when you've met the one? I replied 'Because you can't imagine there could be someone else better or someone else who could make you happier.'
To me Sami is the best person in the whole universe, there is no one kinder, sweeter or funnier.  I'm sure there are lots of nice guys out there but none of them would have a patch on Sami.  That's how I know he's the one for me.

Sami has been such a massive pillar of strength for me.  When I've been really sad and really unwell he will always do whatever he can to make me feel better, running me baths, cuddling me loads, making me laugh, cooking dinner, buying me flowers, putting on a funny film and just generally being there for me. I can talk to Sami about anything and he always listens and tries his best to understand and empathize.

When I was told having children might be a challenge, I came home to tell Sami and as you can imagine I was devastated.  He turned to me and he said 'Just because life might not go the way we planned, it doesn't mean we won't be happy.' I completely agree.  We've got each other and that's all that matters.

Sometimes I feel bad when my illness stops us from doing things but he always tells me not to feel bad and that it's not my fault. He is so supportive and always asks if I'm up to doing stuff before we do.  I know I can give him a look which says I want to go home now, I'm very tired and he will get up and say come on, we're going now.

One example of Sami's sweetness is when we were camping at the weekend, the heavens opened and the rain was really hard and fast, we were in a teeny tiny tent so it was really loud and as I was drifting off to sleep he hugged me tight and put his hands over my ear that wasn't on his chest to drown out the sound of the rain. That's the kind of thing he does all the time.

I've put Sami through a lot and I'm sure he must worry about me but he always says to me, 'Don't worry about me, its much worse for you.'  I don't think it is worse for me though.  I really think it must be harder for him. When I'm in pain its horrible but I do think it must be worse for Sami because he can't make it go away. To see someone you love in pain and not be able to stop it must be really shit.  I don't think I'd cope.

Sometimes I try to pretend I feel better than I do because I don't want him to worry too much or feel upset but he can always tell.  I think he pretends to not realise sometimes so that I don't feel worried about him! But we both know whats really going on.

I've given up work now which Sami has been really supportive about and he even encouraged me do so. Some days I can't really do much and I feel bad not making dinner or not doing any housework and I'll say sorry I haven't done anything today and he's just like don't worry! Just relax, if you're not feeling good then don't push yourself.  He really does put me and my needs before his.   Another sweet thing he does is record programs he knows I'll like so I can curl up on the sofa and watch them when I'm not feeling great - I'm going to have a look in a minute to see what I've got  recorded today.

I think what we have must be unconditional love because I know Sami will there for me no matter what and I'll always be there for him.  I am so incredibly lucky.


  1. What a beautiful blog. You are a truly inspirational lady with a truly wonderful boyfriend x