2 Sep 2013

Haterz gon' Hate

Monday 1st September - aaaahhhh September already!

Well Hello!

It's been a while...well, around a week and a half which is a long time for me not to blog.  I do apologise. I'm not sure why I haven't - I just weren't feeling to write recently.  I love writing but every time I wrote a post I'd read it shortly after and it just seemed boring! And if I don't have anything interesting to say I'd rather not say anything at all.

Annnywaaaay I have been really busy since my last post.  Bank holiday weekend was spent raving it up in the rain.  I went to SW4 which is an outdoor music festival. It absolutely pissed down - the rain was biblical and AWESOME! I loved it and luckily I was feeling well enough to go.  I went with my bestie and we had so much fun.  We haven't done anything like that for a while so it was really nice.

The only pic I have....BEFORE I got drenched and drunk....

I dont have any of Sil...I promise I didn't go on my own!!

On the way home we got off the bus at the wrong stop - we both had no idea where we were so we just started walking to see if we could jump in a black taxi or to see if another bus came when a group of men started shouting at us from the other side of the road.  We ignored them and continued walking and they carried on shouting 'Oi! Come here!' thankfully a black taxi drove past, saw us and told us told us to get in. We told him he was a lifesaver and when I got home he told me not to worry about paying but I insisted. That was so nice of him. Thank God for people like that!

The following day, Sami and I went for dinner at The OXO Tower which was absolutely wonderful.  Emrah and Tonya gave us some money at Christmas to go there but we never got around to it so on Sunday we were spontaneous and booked it at the last minute.  When we got there the waiter showed us to our table and it was right next to the window with a fabulous view of St Pauls, he said it was the best table in the restaurant (the little charmer) but it actually felt like it was.

The atmosphere was lovely with a mellow jazz singer in the background...it was so romantic!! The food was wonderful and we washed it all down with a gorgeous Malbec and some champagne cocktails.  I had the most wonderful evening - I'd recommend The OXO Tower to anyone.

The Food.....

Here's a pic of me.....

This is my £10 dress from Boohoo and those shoes are my louboutins - not sure if I've mentioned those before? (lol) I love them with all my heart.  The waiter commented on them and told me they are fabulous to which I replied, 'I know.'  Lol! I told him he was fabulous too which he was.  Any man that compliments your shoes is fabulous in my book.

Here's one of Me and Sami....he didn't want a pic but I said we have to so we can look back on this when we're older and remember our wonderful evening....

Monday and Tuesday were spent in bed - the weekend was pretty hectic and definitely took it out of me and on Wednesday I went Bridesmaid dress shopping with Ela.  Thankfully it was successful - well, we chose our bridesmaid dresses but they had to be ordered in to another store and we aren't sure they fit as the size we tried on was too small so we are hoping the next size up is the one.  Fingers crossed!

This weekend was another good one; I went up to London on Friday to meet Sil (the bestie) to go to a nice bar nearby where she works.  They had 2 for 1 on cocktails until 9pm so we had quite a few of those.....then we decided we wanted wine once happy hour was finished but when we ordered the barman said they didn't have the wine we wanted so he gave us a bottle of Moet for the same price.  The wine we wanted was £15 and the Moet was priced at £52 so I think we did good!

Needless to say I was rather hungover on Saturday but it was fine, it was one of those hangovers where you just feel tired and like you want to eat carbs all day.  Sami was hungover too after being at a boys' poker night so we just chilled in our PJ's drinking tea and eating shite.  In the evening we decided to have a movie night and watched Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (which is boring and shite by the way) and continued eating.

Yesterday was nice, I went to the pub with Sil and her family (wow, I'm seeing a lot of her lately! Love it) and the boys joined us after they'd watched the footy.  We just had a few and came home for around 9pm.

On the way to the pub my fecking shoe broke.  I tripped over a stone and it broke, I was right outside the pub and had to walk alllll the way back home with one shoe.  The shame.  Never mind, shit happens.  At least it wasn't my loubies.

You see, I'm not sure if any of that is interesting? But I feel like I have to fill you all in as it's been a while....

Lupus wise, I've been up and down as usual but I have been busy so kind of expect to feel shit.  Its lupus currency - one day of fun = two days of pain and fatigue.  I have this weird fear that I'll be in the news one day as a fraud i.e. 'Girl who claimed to live with chronic illness seen raving at SW4'  I almost feel bad when I have a good time and I'm able to do stuff.  It's almost a feeling of guilt but then I suffer so much so I shouldn't feel guilty on the days I am fine.  Arrrgh and then I feel guilty when I'm unwell and don't do any housework.  Like today for example, I haven't been feeling great, just really tired with bad pains in my hands so I decided to have a PJ day but I kept thinking, 'Hmm I should clean the bathroom' or, 'I should wash the floors' and it just goes on and on like that.  It's so annoying!  I need to give myself a break.

Talking of feeling guilty, something that has really been getting on my wick is the way people react when I tell them Sami and I are going on holiday to The Maldives....You'd think people would be happy for us after all the shit we go through but wow some people are just blatantly jealous.  I've found myself feeling guilty and almost justifying our decision to go to there.  I'll play it down and say 'Oh well y'know, we got a really good deal' or 'Well we feel like we deserve it'.

The reactions have stunned me.  People have said things like, 'Ooooh alright for some! Especially you, when you aren't even working' with an underlying tone of 'fuck you'.  I find it so weird. Yes, we are very lucky (and I know how lucky I am) to be going somewhere so amazing but we fecking deserve it.  Sami works very hard and what he does with his money is up to him and if he wants to treat us to a lovely holiday then so be it.  I'm not going to play it down anymore.  I'm so excited and I know we deserve it so to anyone that is bitter and can't even be happy for us well screw you and your shitey attitude. I just don't get it,  I can't imagine not being happy for my friends.  I do understand being jealous as I too would be like ah man I'm jealous, I wanna go but I'd still be happy.

I've really had enough of negative people and people with stupid insecurities trying to bring me down, trying being the operative word.  I find it funny when people feel the need to attempt to make you feel crap because it's so obviously a defense mechanism for their own insecurity due to their poorly formed sense of self.

I had a very long chat with Sil  about this the other day and I can't go in to detail with names etc because that's not fair but there are a few people in my life who obviously feel threatened by me for one reason or another and as a result, try to make me feel like shit.  The problem with that is, it won't work.  The reason it won't work is because I am secure with who I am, I am secure with my image and I am secure within my relationship.  I have a good sense of self and would never, ever feel the need to put someone else down. Unless they are a complete douche lord, in which case I'd just tell them straight.

Every job I've had I've been picked on (except the most recent one, although I was aware I wasn't liked by everyone) and I said to Sil maybe I need to take a look at myself and ask why?  I mean obviously I'm aware you can't be liked by everyone and that's absolutely fine, I have no problem with that but I do have a problem with being picked on for no real reason.

An example of me being picked on was when I worked with Sami (we met at work), there was this woman who worked on the Ground Floor, we'll call her Gertrude. She was quite a lot older than me and our jobs weren't connected so other than saying hello and goodbye we didn't really speak as there was never a reason to.  After a few months they recruited a new girl (we'll call her Sarah) around my age and obviously I went to say hello and make her feel welcome.  We went to lunch and Sarah told me Gertrude had said to her 'Watch out for that Faye.  All she bloody does is saunter around the office like a tart.'
Now, people that know me, know I'm not a tart! Very far from! I laughed so much I could barely breathe! Sarah and I ended up becoming work buddies and she told me she was scared to meet me because Gertrude made me out to be a right bitch.

Who the hell was this woman to say these things when she didn't even know me??? If you get to know me and decide I'm a bitch, fine but don't just come out with things like that when all you've ever said to me is hi and bye.  Well she barely even said those things.  She was so rude to me and would say hello to Sami but not to me. Seriously, that happened.  I was only ever nice to her and even made her a birthday card once, which must have riled her up even more. Hahaha! Good.  There were a few other people that acted in the same way at this job and in the end I left because of it.  This kind of thing seems to happen to me a lot and recently, for the first time, I sat down and asked myself why? Why does this keep happening to me?

I asked Sil and she said, 'It's probably because people are jealous of you.'  But why? I asked and she said maybe because of how you look and because you're a nice person.  She would say that though as she is my best friend but I've decide its because I'm happy.  I am a happy person and as I said earlier, I am a secure person.  I like who I am and I think that bothers people, well insecure people.  They don't like it and I've decided that's what it must be. Well fuck 'em.  Haters gon' hate and all that.  I have lots of lovely friends and most people say nice things about me so those older bitches that be jealous and various other losers who try to put me down can carry on because I don't care.

Wow, I'm not sure where all of that came from.  I guess unemployment and illness gives you a lot of time to think about stuff.  I'm not going to waste anymore time thinking about that now.

Oooh did I tell you I did a guest blog recently for  Coping with big C which is a cancer charity.  I was honoured to be asked, my blog will also be mentioned in the next St Thomas' Lupus Trust Newsletter.  I think I have mentioned that but oh well, I'll mention it again! I'm proud!

So my plans for the rest of the week? Not sure yet, I tend to just take each day as it comes.  I hate making plans for tomorrow only to wake up feeling dreadful and not being able to go through with my plans.  I would like to clean my bathroom cabinet at some point this week (rock and roll baby!) so we'll see what happens.

Right, I think I'm gonna have to go to bed now....hope my waffle didn't bore you too much! Will try to keep on top of the bloggage a bit more this week.

G'night my loves xxxxx


  1. Wow, what lovely activities you've been up to since your last blog - fabulous. I wondered whether you could write a short blog about how you deal with the tiredness when you have one of your lovely days out planned - do you take a nap whilst out somewhere (if so any tips?!?) or do just plough through it? Do you have set times for naps and bed as a general rule of thumb? Any advice would be welcome! xxx

  2. Hiii, yes I will defo do a 'how to deal with fatigue' blog, thats a great idea. A tip I can give you now would be to have a 'party nap' as I call them. I never go on a night out without my party nap otherwise I wold have to come home at 9pm! XXX