Pain for company...

What the fuck Lupus? What the actual fuck!!!???

I am in so much pain. Its almost unbearable. This is my worst day for a while. I can barely move. I'm just stuck in bed with pain for company (oh gosh how melodramatic does that sound? Lol)

I was alright earlier - mood wise I mean. I was all 'think positively' etc now I'm at the end of my tether and thinking how the hell am I supposed to cope with this? Sometimes when I'm in pain it sort of comes and goes or I only feel it if I move the painful body part but on this occasion the pain has been constant since I woke up. My back is burning as a result of a lupus rash so now I've got that to contend with too. Oh and my muscles in my arms and legs are spasming violently. I just tried to film it but of course it stopped. Now I'm not filming they're back for their little rave under my skin. It looks so weird!

I'm pissed off and fed up.

Tuesday 12 November 2013

I took some tramadol and managed to fall asleep after that. I didn't even wake up to pee or with the night sweats - I haven't slept through a whole night for a very long time. Good ol' tramadol.

I woke up this morning much the same as yesterday except a little less pain but feeling very weak. I have no energy whatsoever. Sami has taken the morning off (so now I have Sami AND my mate Pain for company) to look after me as I could hardly move yesterday so didn't really eat or drink. He just ran me a bath and washed my hair for me and now I'm back in bed just lying here aching and feeling exhausted from having to get up to have a bath - sounds pathetic but its true.

Looks like its another day spent in bed for me.

I've made a start on my book seeing as there's nothing else to do!
So far I've decided its going to be about a lonely and selfish housewife called Pixie. She gave up her high powered career (not sure exactly what she did yet) after marrying Henry. Lovely, perfect (and very rich) Henry. All she cares about is sex, shoes and shopping whilst Henry is desperate to start a family. Pixie's not keen on the idea and doesn't want to grow up (and god forbid be responsible for another human being) she just wants the lavish holidays, jimmy choos and lunches with her girls.  As a result of boredom she ends up having a string of affairs. How could she cheat on her perfect husband? is he as perfect as he seems??

That's all I'm saying for now. I just want it to be a light-hearted chick-lit book. I think writing it will prevent me from going insane! There's only so much time you can spend lying in bed in a lot of pain without feeling like you're going crazy!

I might post the first chapter here and see what you all think. I would love so much to have my own book. If I could make money from writing I would be the happiest person ever!!! I would absolutely love to be able to call myself a writer. Before becoming too ill to work I had worked full time since I was 17 and I've never loved any of my jobs. I've liked them all but never had a real passion for anything I've done. I've never really known what I want to do but when I started blogging it all clicked and thought 'I'd love to be a writer' so I'm gonna do it. I don't know why its taking me so long! Right, I'm gonna make a start right now.

Watch this space!