12 Apr 2013

A New Normal

When you have a chronic illness you have to re-evaluate your life completely.  

I have had to accept that I'm not the same person any more.  I realise now how much I took for granted.  I now stop to smell the roses (quite literally) and I think about how grateful I am for all the little things.  I think about what I'm doing to make sure it is important and making me happy.
Negative people have been dropped from my life - this lady will tell you why....

I've learnt the importance of living a simpler lifestyle.  I expect less of myself and others.

Life is what YOU make of it.  Just because you have problems it doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself or be happy.

It's not always easy to be happy but just think about how lucky you are. At the end of each day I write down a list of reasons -  It can be simple things like:

I had a pain free day
I had a lovely lunch with Sami in the sunshine.
I enjoyed a few laughs at work

It makes you realise that it aint all bad.  I also think to myself I'm so lucky to have such wonderful family and friends.  They make me smile everyday and I'm so lucky to have Sami.  God I love that boy.

Before my diagnosis I had a FANTASTIC life.  I was crazy, always out and about, I hardly ever sat down!  I still do have a great life, its just different and a bit more challenging.  I never even used to think about my health and now its an everyday thought.  I guess you could say I have a 'new normal'.

I don't find the pain the most distressing part of Lupus, I can handle the pain.  What I can't handle is people's ignorance.  Please see post titled 'But you don't look sick'.  It is the most infuriating thing.  I find it hard to comprehend some people's lack of empathy.  I guess not everyone is born with the ability to empathise.  I just don't get that.

I'm used to putting others first, it's just the way I am (I get that from my Mum) and now I kind of have to put myself first.  That's something I've found difficult.  I'm a people pleaser, I want everyone to like me and I worry if I say no to things I'll be judged.  Well I can't think like that any more.  My health and my needs come first and I don't care what people think.  I've almost had to learn to become selfish.

The thing I worry about MOST of all is other people worrying about me.  I hate the thought of being a reason for people worrying.  I don't want to be a burden.  Sometimes I try to hide how much pain I'm in or how I'm really feeling because I know in the end I'll be fine and I can tell myself that but the person worrying might not.

I really hate the thought of people being concerned - I'm just me.  As my Dad always to says,  "Tough as old boots that one".  I don't let much bring me down.  I'm a very positive and upbeat person (I get that from my Dad) I prefer being happy and having a laugh - it's much easier and to be frank, I don't think I could handle depression on top of everything else, that's a difficult illness on its own.

I want people to be aware of what I go through and I want to raise awareness in general  but I don't want people to feel sad, that is not my intention at all.  This blog tells it like it is from my point of view - yes I battle this fucktard of an illness but I am happy.  The way I see it is there is always someone worse off than you are.