30 Apr 2013

Feck Lupus, Feck Work, Feck Everything & Everyone!

Tuesday 30th April 2013

Well I've had the worst nights sleep EVER and I'm in a very bad mood.

I couldn't sleep through the pain, my WHOLE body was hurting.  Everything from the tips of my toes to my head.  I had loads of muscle spasms and my muscles felt really tense and the pain in my joints was indescribable...considering this all started with a wee bit of elbow pain.  I didn't know what to do with myself, I actually considered waking Sami up and asking him to take me to hospital but I wasn't sure what they would be able to do for me.  I took more pain killers and finally managed to nod off about 3am.  I was then awoken at 5am with dreadful night sweats, my top was soaking, it was gross.   I got up, washed, changed my top and got back into bed but couldn't get back to sleep due to the horrendous pain.

My alarm went off at 7 and I got out of bed, got ready and came to work.  I had to come in today because an auditor is coming and if I wasn't here then Nicola would have had to deal with him and she is so busy as it is and Zoe's not in on Tuesdays so I sort of felt obliged to but I'm going home as soon as he is gone.  I'm just in too much pain and I'm absolutely exhausted.

This is just cruel.  Lupus is an evil disease.  Striking when you least expect it.  I went to the toilets and cried a  a little while ago, I just had to release some of the tension from all the pain.  I'm a wimpy person (scared of a lot of things like insects, the dark, heights, clowns, the bear that lives in the freezer on those Birdseye adverts etc but I wouldn't say I was weak.  I have a high pain threshold so for me to cry with it is quite a big deal)

What a creep this bear is...with his pervy voice...(shudders)

I was on the sofa last night and I tried to get up to go to bed and I actually screamed from the pain in my hips.  Sami had to hold me up and I just burst into tears (for the third time that evening) which again is not something I do often considering how much pain and shite I deal with.

However I must say I received some lovely messages last night from people who have been reading this blog.  One lady (Erin) said I rock and that I've inspired her to write her own blog.  That feels amazing because all I want to do is help others and if this blog is doing that then I've achieved something.  So that cheered me up.

Today though, I am in a VILE mood (I bet I've got smoke coming out my ears) and if anyone crosses me they will feel my wrath and they will be scared.  You have been warned.

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