After yesterdays misery and pain I'm feeling slightly more positive today....which suits me much better. I'm not good at the whole 'dark and moody' thing.
I went to bed early, in agony, lying flat on my back hardly able to move. I got such a bad headache that I lost vision in one eye. I was petrified - I thought ohmygod I'm going blind!!! I just told myself to go to bed, calm down and sleep this shit off. I didn't sleep much - I was rudely awoken by my bladder about 5 times to go to the loo and about 4 separate times soaked in sweat and in between the weeing and sweating I was having crazy medication induced dreams - one that sticks in my mind is me being a detective and trying to find a murderer who lives in the same block of flats as me and my partner was Trevor McDonald (he is a newsreader in England for my American friends). Weird.
Here he is - Ol' Sir Trev....I feel like I know him now..
My mum just rang me to see how I am and she was telling me she's increased one of her meds and since then has been having mad dreams - I just said thats so weird I'm just writing about that as we speak!
Sami's alarm went off at 7.30 this morning, I got up and had a shower because this time my hair was soaked from the sweat and I felt disgusting. I could barely stand in the shower, my muscles feel so sore and tender (especially my bum muscles for some reason. Lol! Or should I say my 'gluteus maximus'). I can't straighten my arms out - when they're bent its fine but if I try to straighten them the pain is enough to make me yelp out loud. My knees are on fire and putting weight on them really hurts and the tips of my fingers and toes are agony - like really sharp shooting pains every few minutes. So obviously I'm spending some quality time with my bed again.
I love my bed yep yep I love my bed.
I don't have a headache today for the first time in 9 days. I blame the steroids. I was taking them just after lunch and then by around 3pm everyday I noticed I got a headache. I took them before I went to bed last night so thats the way forward from now on. It's all a learning curve I suppose.
I'm annoyed I couldn't go to work today. I haven't got long left so wanted to to at least do a full week. I can't believe how bad this is though. I was shocked by the state I woke up in yesterday, especially because I'd been ok for most of the day before. Its crazy!
I'm going to take my own advice and look at shoes to cheer myself up.
Do you know - I'm ashamed to admit this (I told Sami too so he can keep an eye on me) but yesterday when I was in loads of pain I went to the kitchen to get some pain killers (this was about 12pm) and I looked at the bottle of red wine on the side and for 2 mental seconds I thought, 'Hmmm I could just down that and go to bed happy, feck it why not?!' I decided against as I thought that would be a very slippery road to go down, especially because I'm giving up work soon! I told Sami and he said 'To be honest, darling I would've judged you a little bit but I couldn't really blame you!'
Well, I can't be arsed to type anymore, this is using up far too much energy and I need to have some left in order to turn over in bed.
I hope you all have a good day. To those of you are fotunate enough to be healthy - appreciate it.