Wednesday 9 May 2013
No sleep = annoy me and I will beat the shit out of you.
I reckon I've had a total of 5 hours in 3 days. I keep having this weird thing where just as I'm about to drift off I suddenly think I can't breathe and have to take a huge gasp for air. Its really strange as of course I'm breathing! It happened a while ago for a few weeks but when I started writing this blog it went away. I think this blog provided me with a way to get things off my chest and I felt a lot less stressed but its started to happen again and it's getting worse. It never happens in the day time, it's only when I'm in bed. At first I only felt like I couldn't breathe once or twice and now it's happening around ten times a night. Possibly more. Not good. Sami suggested I have counselling as he thinks it's stress related. He said I cope so well with everything I go through but he thinks I would benefit from some therapy as my illness has been a lot more of an issue recently. I'm not sure. I'll think about it.
No sleep = annoy me and I will beat the shit out of you.
I reckon I've had a total of 5 hours in 3 days. I keep having this weird thing where just as I'm about to drift off I suddenly think I can't breathe and have to take a huge gasp for air. Its really strange as of course I'm breathing! It happened a while ago for a few weeks but when I started writing this blog it went away. I think this blog provided me with a way to get things off my chest and I felt a lot less stressed but its started to happen again and it's getting worse. It never happens in the day time, it's only when I'm in bed. At first I only felt like I couldn't breathe once or twice and now it's happening around ten times a night. Possibly more. Not good. Sami suggested I have counselling as he thinks it's stress related. He said I cope so well with everything I go through but he thinks I would benefit from some therapy as my illness has been a lot more of an issue recently. I'm not sure. I'll think about it.
I can survive on a little sleep but 5 hours in 3 days just takes the piss. Plus I've had to go to work and train a new lady. She is lovely but I aint in the fecking mood for this shitty shit shit. I want to be at home in my pj's, crying out loud, watching crappy tv and making myself feel better by eating cake. But no! Instead I am at work teaching someone how to create an invoice, crying on the inside and trying not to lose my temper. My sanity is waring thin. Its fecking transparent. If you hear about some crazy little blonde girl that beat a load of people up for no reason that's me. This is what sleep deprivation does. This is not me at all. I don't like this side to me.
Last night, as well as the weird breathing thing my sleep was rudely interrupted by pins and needles in both arms and hands and it got so painful I freaked out a little bit and decided I was having a stroke. I realised I wasn't and calmed myself down by hugging a sleeping Sami (even when he's not conscious he's comforting) which helped lots. I managed to drift off after like, ages but I woke up with the usual night sweats/peeing scenario. Then my alarm went off for work and I was in no mind for it at all. Why I agreed to stay on a couple of days a week for a while I'll never know. I mean don't get me wrong, I like working there and I guess I just felt bad leaving and didn't wanna leave anyone up shit creek. Its just hard going to work after nights like this and pretending you're OK all day can get a bit exhausting.
Last night, as well as the weird breathing thing my sleep was rudely interrupted by pins and needles in both arms and hands and it got so painful I freaked out a little bit and decided I was having a stroke. I realised I wasn't and calmed myself down by hugging a sleeping Sami (even when he's not conscious he's comforting) which helped lots. I managed to drift off after like, ages but I woke up with the usual night sweats/peeing scenario. Then my alarm went off for work and I was in no mind for it at all. Why I agreed to stay on a couple of days a week for a while I'll never know. I mean don't get me wrong, I like working there and I guess I just felt bad leaving and didn't wanna leave anyone up shit creek. Its just hard going to work after nights like this and pretending you're OK all day can get a bit exhausting.
I just can't seem to curb my constant desire to help other people!
Thursday 9 May 2013
I had a proper nights sleep last night! Yey! Went to work today to continue to help train the new lady and it was fine. I started getting joint pains around 3 so I asked my boss if I could go at 4 and he said yes (he is sweet). My friend Lexie came to pick me up and we went for dinner, which was lovely. We went to a nice local restaurant and laughed until our bellies hurt. Good times. Can't beat good friends to cheer you up.
I'm going to this fancy dress thing at the weekend as a zebra (its a safari theme) and I can't wait. I love fancy dress. Sami is going as a zebra too. Yey. I'm not at work on Monday so at least I can recover a bit. Photo's to follow....
Sami came back from Bromley earlier (he went to get his costume) and he bought me some cushions with a pug print. I LOVE them!
I had a proper nights sleep last night! Yey! Went to work today to continue to help train the new lady and it was fine. I started getting joint pains around 3 so I asked my boss if I could go at 4 and he said yes (he is sweet). My friend Lexie came to pick me up and we went for dinner, which was lovely. We went to a nice local restaurant and laughed until our bellies hurt. Good times. Can't beat good friends to cheer you up.
I'm going to this fancy dress thing at the weekend as a zebra (its a safari theme) and I can't wait. I love fancy dress. Sami is going as a zebra too. Yey. I'm not at work on Monday so at least I can recover a bit. Photo's to follow....
Sami came back from Bromley earlier (he went to get his costume) and he bought me some cushions with a pug print. I LOVE them!
Here I am - pug pj's, pug socks and my new pug cushions...
I love pugs (I am a crazy pug lady) but how sweet is that? He's so lovely. I am a very lucky lady.
I have friends that complain about their boyfriends/girlfriends and I just sit there thinking 'Wow, I have nothing to complain about'. Sami and I just get on. We rarely argue and when we do its usually because I'm being snappy from lack of sleep or because I've got the dreaded 'roid rage! Sami is always so understanding. I don't want to brag about him because there might be people reading this who are in shit relationships (or relationshits as I like to call them) but he really is wonderful. He is so understanding, so kind and I know he would do anything just to make me happy. He never makes me feel like a burden (when I'm really poorly) he always cheers me up and he makes me laugh all the time. I love him more than any words could describe. All together now, 'AWWWWW'
Not sure if I'm going into work tomorrow - I feel like my body is saying no. I've done 3 days this week and only started feeling the joint pain today so that's not bad going. We'll see how I feel in the morning. Luckily I can go in when I want now so there's no pressure.
Is it weird/mental to refer to myself as we? Like when I just said, 'We'll see how I feel in the morning' I do it a lot. I talk out loud to myself a lot too. I just love talking. If I'm quiet for more than 5 minutes Sami checks that I'm alive. True story. If Sami annoys me instead of saying 'I'm not talking to you' I tell him I'm going to talk to him more. He'd enjoy the peace too much so I do not give him the satisfaction.
Anyways - I probs wont blog now until Monday as I'll be too busy having fun this weekend. Have a good one my friends. xxxxx
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