13 May 2013

There's always plenty to smile about

Monday 13 May 2013

Feel like SHIT.  BUT I've had a fantastic weekend so it's not all bad.  Lupus had a bit of a break this weekend.  Cheers Lupus!

Sami and I went to the Rugby 7's on Saturday at Twickenham with our friends Jen and Matt and a bunch of their friends. It was so much fun - 70,000 people in attendance all in fancy dress (Safari theme) we basically just watched rugby and drank beer.  It was really good fun - I know jack shit about rugby but I enjoyed the drinking. Woke up yesterday feeling fine and was OK all day but I've woken up today with aching joints and fatigue - looks like I may have over done it this weekend, we were out from 11am until around 1am so it was a long day.  Oh well it was worth it.

Sami as a safari man and James as a lion...

We stayed over at Matt and Jens's and came home yesterday.  In the evening we went round to Sami's brothers for a roast dinner cooked by his lovely wife, Tonya.  It was a good roast.  They've got a little boy called Em-J (he is nearly 2) and he is so lovely.  Sami dotes on him so much, it's really cute - makes me feel a little bit broody!

I'm not at work today but I agreed to do Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday so hopefully I'll be able to (could do with the money) and then I'm not sure I think it will be my last week.  I still can't believe I have had to give up to work.  It's not a comfortable decision and it kind of feels wrong but I know its for the best and I'm not sure I really have a choice as if I was still a full-time employee I would have called in sick today as I'm in no state to work.  I'm glad I don't have the pressure on me anymore but in an ideal world I'd have a career and no lupus.

At the beginning of the year I was actually looking for a new job. I even went to a couple of interviews but wasn't successful.  I did get offered one job but the offices were a bit too far away so I decided against.
My plan was to get a higher paid job with career prospects and to buy a house with Sami but instead I'm giving up work all together.  Sami bought the flat we live in 4 years ago but we thought it would be a good idea to get a bigger place but we've had to put that plan on hold now, what with me not having any income!  =0(

I really thought this year would be 'my year' but it's SO not!!! I've been in a flare since December.  I have the odd good days but they are few and far between and even on my 'good days' there is still some kind of pain going on the background.   On Saturday I wasn't in any pain but I was knackered - Sami said he could tell as I didn't seem to be with it!  I still managed to have a good time but I can't remember what it feels like not to be in pain and/or exhausted.   Lupus is always there.  I did have around 6 months from June until December) where I was completely fine - I almost forgot I had Lupus hence why I decided it would be a  good time to get a new job etc... I'm glad I didn't because I would have been sacked!  I stupidly thought, 'Oooh Lupus has gone!'

Wow, Lupus is a bitch, it pretends it's gone away, gets all your little hopes up then BAM!  HEEEERRRE'S LUPUS! I'M HERE TO RUIN YOUR LIFE  AND DESTROY YOUR PLANS!

Oh well, what can ya do? This is my life now.  I've realised I'm not the same person I was pre-lupus so instead of trying to carry on like I used to, I now accept that I have to adapt my lifestyle accordingly (hence giving up work).  I think they call it 'adjusting'.

I'm not gonna lie, it's shit but I guess I'll just have to get on with it and I'll do it with a smile because there's still plenty to smile about.

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