Guns Don't Kill People. I Do.

Bank Holiday Monday 6th May 2013

Sami and I went for a drive and ended up in a pretty village called Oxted. None of the shops were open but we just walked around (we decided we're like old people), had a drink at a pub, the barman randomly gave me a glass of wine for free which was nice! We sat in the sun, (well Sami did, I was in the shade) and generally had a nice, relaxing time. After the pub we went and sat in a nearby park, reading mags and papers and ended up having some pub grub and watching Iron Man at a tiny little cinema. I'll call it quaint. That's a good word for Oxted - quaint.

Little pic I took...

I haven't had any pain or anything. Mazing!!! And very rare these days.... I woke up aching but I was fine after an hour or so. Even ironed all Sami's work shirts (iron woman) before we went out.

We saw 2 badgers on the way home - never seen a real life one before! We also saw some rabbits and earlier today we saw a pheasant - a really colourful one and those that follow this blog will know I'm very into birds. So that was exciting for me. It was just so nice to be outside as I'm usually ill in bed. Good times!!

So I'm watching TV and its really quite shocking. What happened to wholesome TV shows? Its all sluts in Geordie Shore with their vaginas out or 16 year olds with kids or people shouting at each other on The Jeremy Kyle Show. What happened to The Brady Bunch, Happy Days and Little House on the Prairie?!! Nowadays it would be Little Slut on the Farm, The Druggy bunch and Asbo Days. Shame really. No wonder why society is fucked up if in the morning you put the tv on and its losers having a go at each other and mums who don't know who the dad is, then the afternoon is Deal or no deal (do not get me started on that heap of shite) then in the evening there's Jersey Shore - these people are scum - shagging strangers live on tv. Who does that??? Well these tramps apparently. Bring back nice programmes is what I say.

OK rant done.

Tuesday 7 May 2013

After a night of practically no sleep (my brain would not switch off for some stupid reason) I went into work today as I offered to help the new lady settle in and teach her the ropes. It was a long day. I completely regretted offering to help. All I could think was, 'What the feck is wrong with me?? Why the bloody hell did I offer to help? Why can't I be selfish and not give a rats arse? I wanna be at hoooome!' Not the new lady's fault though - she's lovely.

I'm only gonna help for a couple of weeks and then that's it. I need to rest this Lupus riddled, aching, hot mess of a body and mind!

I've got a hospital appointment on 10th June - it was meant to be in July but I brought it forward as quite frankly, I've had enough of this shit. I've been in a flare since December. Its now friggin May. Ok so I have had a couple of pain free days here and there but that's only a couple. I can't continue on like this. I'm not living - I'm just existing. I'm only 27 - this should be the prime of my life and here I am giving up work and spending most of my days in bed. That is pretty sad, especially because I'm such a fun loving person. I'm really hoping the doc has some kind of solution. Anything. Something. Actually NO, he better have some kind of solution or I will kill him. Guns don't kill people, I do. Ok so maybe I won't kill him (that was a bit harsh) but I will sit in that room until he suggests something worth trying. I know they can't cure this wank of a disease but surely he can offer me some medication that will help me live a better quality of life?

Well that's all a bit depressing isn't it! But hey, this is my life - welcome to my world.

Right on that lovely note I'm gonna go and chill on the sofa with Sami...maybe have a little glass of wine....