23 Jul 2013

My Kind of Happy Meal...

Tuesday the...?? I'm not even sure what day it is

I knew a flare was coming. I told you so. I'm currently in bed feeling totally wiped out. I had a bad night of night sweats which could be attributed to the heat but I've been fine on all the other hot nights so I think its Lupus related.

Right now I'm feeling awful. Every teeny weeny fibre of my body hurts. My muscles are spasming, my hands are all stiff and I've got shooting pains going through my whole body like electric shocks. Lupus is pure evil I tell you. Although, this could also be a fibromyalgia flare up - I don't know. The pains are very similar so its not easy to tell the difference. I actually can't physically type anymore. I'll update later. X

Later on...

Just had breakfast - I put the cereal in the bowl and boiled the kettle for my tea and like a div I put the boiling water in the bowl instead of the mug. Defo suffering with the old lupus brain fog. It feels strange because I haven't felt like this for a ages. There was a period where I was like this almost all the time. So frustrating. I'd be at work and just make so many mistakes or forget simple things and very important things.  It was so hard to cope with especially because I don't think anyone truly understood what I was going through.

On top of the brain fog, its pretty damn hard to concentrate when you're in a lot of pain so I think I coped pretty well considering. Just don't know why I continued to work for so long! I hope I can get a part-time job soon and I hope its somewhere that people will actually try to understand my illness. That would be nice.  I feel pretty unemployable at the moment though. I'll just have to wait and see what happens. Maybe I could get a job at the lupus unit - they'll definitely understand!

I'm so glad to be where I am in my life right now.  I'm happy, I mean I know today is a bad day but I'm not sad or down about it because I know it will pass.  I just feel so chilled, I love not worrying about struggling to go to work. Especially on days like today. It is such a blessing. I used to find it so stressful and I think it made my illness worse. The flare ups certainly lasted longer than they do now.

Fecking feck the pain is getting worse! Not sure what to do with myself. Think I might have a bath and a plate of pain killers for lunch. Or a bottle of gin, a chocolate bar and a handful of tramadol - now that's my kind of happy meal....

Arrrgh! I need to go food shopping - I aint got time for this lupus shizzle!!! Oh well dinner will have to be something from the freezer (shock! Horror!) Never mind.

So Kate and Wills had the baby hey. Couldn't really give a flying turd to be honest. Obviously wish them well and all that but not sure why there's such a hype. Its a baby. People have babies everyday.

Hmm do you think this lupus shite has put me in a bad mood? It also doesn't help that instead of watching Lorraine like I usually do at 8.30, I'm watching some bird standing outside a door, stumbling over her words and repeating herself because she can't handle live television. 'What will the future kings name be?' I've heard this four times in four minutes! We'll get his name when they're ready now bring back Lorraine and her fashion advice you dunce!

Tuesday afternoon:

I've just woken up from a 3 hour nap. Wow the fatigue has hit me hard. Haven't felt this exhausted in a while. Can't believe there was a time where I pretty much felt like this allll the time. Eff that!

Right, its time to go marinate my defrosted chicken, that's all I'll achieve today! Might attempt to do some gentle exercise later to stretch out my stiff muscles but that's it. I want to be buff on the beach but this fecking lupus keeps getting in my way!!!! It doesn't help that I'm currently watching big bang theory and Penny's figure is beautiful! You can tell she works out. Grrr. Screw you, Lupus! Screw yooou!!  

Look at her...Amazing

A fellow lupie I'm friends with on facebook just said she loves how I think because I said I'm not lupus's bitch. Lupus is MY bitch! Yep. No shitey illness like lupus is gonna stop me doing what I wanna do. And today I wanna cook some peri peri chicken so that's what I shall do.

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