A light hearted non-lupus post for y'all....
That Awkward Moment When....
1. You're at work and you have got to fart (you had beans on toast for lunch) but you don't want to do it at your desk in case your colleagues smell it so you make your way to the photocopier and let it out when your boss decides to come over to see how you are. He comes over, starts chatting and pulls an odd face. He has smelt your fart. He knows it was you and you know he knows....there goes your professional lady like image.
2. You're in an expensive boutique shop (or in my case, Selfridges) when you go to the till with your lovely, expensive dress that you need in your life. Its the day before pay day and you're pretty sure you have enough in your account....beep beep 'Sorry but your card has been declined' says the stroppy I-think-I'm-better-than-you shop assistant. 'Oh, OK..Erm I'll just leave now...' You say as you run out of the shop and swear to never go back.
3. You're in the changing room trying on a lovely dress that may or may not be one size smaller than your actual size and oh shit, it's stuck. You can't get the fucker off. It doesn't even have a little bit of stretch and you can't pull it over your fat head. OHMYGOD you are going to have to ask the shop assistant to help you...and you're wearing your comfy bra. The one that used to be white and is now 'nude.' You've also got your big suck-me-in pants on and you haven't shaved your legs. Oh.Fuck.
4. You're at a party chatting away to a stranger when he has spinach in his teeth. You can't say anything because its just too awkward so you let him carry on with his spinachy conversation and his girlfriend comes over, 'Hi babe, oh look, you've got a lump of spinach in your teeth.' Shit! Now he knows he was talking to you with spinach in his teeth the WHOLE time and you said nothing! Awwwwkkks!
5. That awkward moment when you're walking down the street, minding your own business when you see someone coming towards you in the same line of path. You move, he moves, you move again until you're practically doing the fucking tango together. You get closer and say 'Haha that was funny' under your breath and he just looks at you like you're demented.
6.You go out for dinner with a group of friends and you're not drinking because you've decided to drive (and be a boring fuck). The bill comes and they all say lets just split it 6 ways... Whilst you're sat there thinking 'Erm no, y'all had 3 bottles of champagne, 12 cocktails and a bottle of wine. I had tap water bitches! I aint paying for you!' But you just smile and say 'OK' and leave feeling pissed off.
7. When you send a text message/email to the wrong recipient. Fuuuuuck. Whether it be a text that was only meant for your mans eyes or a text to your friend about another friend saying 'What the actual feck was she wearing?' but you send it to the friend that was wearing the effed up outfit. Sowwwwyyyyyy you looked good really....Awkward rating out of 10 - NINE!
8. When you do a poo in someone elses house and it's a floater. You can't get rid of it and you're in the bathroom for agggess. You come back downstairs and everyone heard you flush the toilet like 4 times. You know they are thinking 'Wow that must have been some poo.' You just carry on the conversation like nothing happened.
9. You wave at someone frantically, 'Hey! John!' only to realise it's not John...'John' is now looking at you with pity. He thinks you escaped from somewhere.
10. Fanny farts. Enough said.