21 Oct 2013

Happy Monday....

Monday 21st October 2013 

I cried myself to sleep last night. The pain in my arm got worse and worse throughout the day until I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't even move a finger without excruciating pain going all the way up my arm.

I was lying in bed bawling like a baby, trying to get comfortable but to no avail. I was exhausted from being in pain all day. It was absolutely horrendous - I'd go as far to say its one of the most painful things I've ever experienced and I have a lot of painful experiences to compare this to. I took some very strong painkillers which took the edge off and I finally managed to get some sleep. 

Poor Sami was next to me probably feeling helpless.  He cuddled me and tried to make me feel better but there's nothing he can really do which must be very difficult.  I remember once when it was the other way round and he had a really bad migraine, he was in agony and I couldn't help him or stop it. I felt awful and so helpless and that's how he must feel all the time.

I've woken up today in a similar amount of pain so PJ and bed day it is. I managed to get in the bath which helped a bit but I couldn't wash my hair so I'm clean with manky hair. Never mind. I should eat something but I the pain is making me nauseous so I can't even cheer myself up with chocolate. Boo hoo poor me.

I'm struggling to type this as moving my fingers hurts my arm. It feels like my tendons are inflamed and the pain is now in my whole arm and shoulder and neck, its fecking spreading! My whole body is aching but the pain in my arm is unbearable. I'm going to ring my doctor in a bit and arrange for Sami to pick me up a prescription of morphine on his way home. I can't continue on like this I really can't. I'm trying not to let myself cry because if I do, I'm afraid I might not stop. Being in pain like this really wears you down and I don't want to be in pain as well as sad. Not coping is not an option.

I can't type anymore. I'm going to take some co-codomol and attempt to go back to sleep. Happy Monday everyone!  I hope you're all having a better one than me.

All I can do is hope one day there will be a cure....Even if not in my lifetime I hope there will be so no one has to suffer the consequences of this inhumane and cruel disease.

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