22 Mar 2013

How to be hungover


1)     Once awake, check phone and photos. 

2)     Check Facebook. Cringe, panic maybe even cry.

3)     Roll over, consider calling an ambulance.  This headache is NOT normal! My brain must be swollen.  Ohmygod I’m not hungover, I’m actually dying.

4)     Drink water.  You have got to relieve the cotton wool mouth.  And what the hell? Did the poo fairy come along in the night and take a dump in my mouth?

5)     HOP – hang over poo.  Gross but c'mon we’ve all been there.

6)     Contemplate eating.  This will either be very appealing or make you vom.  If it is appealing, eat something that involves bacon.  If it’s not appealing eat toast and drink flat lemonade – yes it really is the cure for everything.

7)     Drink a can of cold, very fizzy, full fat coke.  It’s the one.

8)     Try to get sympathy/someone to look after you.  Failing that go back to bed for a while – sleep this shit off.

9)     Under no circumstances do you get dressed.  It’s the law to stay in your PJ’s.  Being hungover is not too dissimilar to being poorly.

10)  Once you have slept it off, call everyone you were out with and make sure you’re still friends….and get their version of events.  Wow those photos make sense now.

Please drink responsibly.

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