I am not happy. Not happy at all!
So I'll start off with the whinging then I'll move on to happier stuff as it will be a better way to end this post.
I woke up Friday feeling like death warmed up and I'm still feeling like it. I'm in so much pain I'm trying not to wail like a some kind of wild animal - I'm still really surprised my neighbours haven't called the RSPCA yet. One day they will turn up the door and say 'excuse me, we've had reports of a distressed and possibly dying animal in this flat' Lol.
We got back from France last Monday after spending 6 days there for our friend's wedding. We had a busy but very lovely time although I was tired when we got back I felt relatively OK. We had so much fun and luckily I only felt ill on the last 2 days (probably because we drank more than any human should and we were ultra busy) but we had a blast and met some really cool people. I especially loved meeting Daryl and Luke - Becci's friends from the Shopping Centre where she owns her shop, Daryl also owns a shop and Luke works at the television centre there. We got on so well and Daryl and Sami had a little bro-mance which was cute. I look froward to seeing those bitches again.
Anyway so after a blast in France I was feeling pretty alright considering and decided to go to work on Thursday after a day of chilling and a day of catching up with the housework. Work was fine and afterwards Sil and I went out for a few drinks and to watch the England game (what a load of shite!) and Friday I felt OK but then in the evening I felt awful. I was hot, sweating, my head hurt, my whole body hurt and I was exhausted. Saturday was no different but I managed to pull myself together and go out for my Sister in laws birthday. We went out for a meal and then the plan was to go to a few bars afterwards but Sami and I went straight home which is so unlike me - if there's a party, I'm there! So that made me feel a bit shitty but there was no way I could have carried on, I was exhausted and in a lot of pain - not a good mix. We got home and I went to bed and didn't get out of bed until around 6pm on Sunday.
It's like every bit of energy I had has been sucked out of me. I feel horrendous. I can't even think. An example being when I made myself a poached egg on toast and brought it to the table I realised I only had a fork so went back to the kitchen to get a knife but came back with a fork. I realised and went back again and came back with another fork! I now had 3 forks and still no knife and I kid you not, I did it AGAIN. So there I was with four forks and still no knife. Four Forks sake (I know, sorry about that but I couldn't resist) What an imbecile. (It only took me three goes to spell that word.)
I can't even type any more because I keep forgetting how to spell words, what word I'm looking for and to be honest I'm fecked. Bed time for me (it's 3.30pm). I'll be back...
Tuesday
Well, I'm feeling slightly more with it today which is nice! I'm forcing myself to chill against my will and I'm booorreeed. I got the laptop out and I've just been doing some wedding bits like chasing biyartches up that haven't got back to me and I've made a spreadsheet. I love spreadsheets. I need to do some housework but I don't have the energy so I'm just gonna have to sit here all day looking at things I need to and should be doing.
It's hard not doing stuff when you know you shouldn't. If I start trying to do stuff I'll end up feeling 10x worse and then I'll be all like 'Faye, you knew you shouldn't have done that' and then I feel stupid. So today, I will chill. And try not to eat loads of crap. I like eating when I feel rubbish.
Anyway, it's only 9am and I've already received 3 emails from friends and acquaintances asking me to sponsor them for something or other for some charity or other. Now, don't get me wrong, I love charities and what they're all about but seriously if I sponsored every person who asked me to, I'd be a broke ass mother fucker wearing charity shop (oh the irony) shoes and living off food bank cast offs. So no, sorry I won't be sponsoring you for your walk down the road or your jog because one day you might be sponsoring me just to live.
I do my bit by donating to Cancer Research every month, I regularly give clothes to charity shops and I always donate to Children in Need so I can decline your invite to your charity sponsorship form with a clear conscience. Good on you for doing something and fair play to you but no, I won't be getting involved.
Urgh and what about those shitty I'm not drinking alcohol for a month ones? I mean are you for real!!? You want me to sponsor you to NOT drink alcohol? I'd rather sponsor you to drink alcohol and maybe you won't be so bloody boring. I understand the cause is great but I refuse to sponsor someone for that. If you can't lay off the booze for a month without having to be paid for it then you need someone to sponsor you to go to rehab mate.
Whilst I'm having a rant I may as well have a rant about the things people put on Facebook. I cannot abide it when I see a pic of some poor abused dog or a woman beaten up by her husband. I do not want to see that shit. I know it happens, I'm aware we live in a cruel world but when I go on Facebook it's a way of escaping reality and I do not appreciate being slapped in the face with the harsh reality of a picture of a dog with an ear missing. Unless you are physically going out and preventing this from happening you are not helping by sharing a graphic photo. I just like to see people's whiney status' about how boring their day is at work or what they ate for dinner. I do not want to scroll down and see a mangled dog or face. Stop it.
Oh and another thing that really gets my goat is when Facebook suddenly becomes the fecking weather channel. I know it's hot/cold/raining! I don't need 12 acquaintances telling me so! 'Ooooh its snowing!' Oh wow, great observation. Well done. I don't mind when people are saying nice things like 'Oh I love the sun' or whatever but when people literally just put 'snow!' or 'This rain is so bad' or something like that I'm like Grrrr!! Here this goat says it all...
Hmm, I'm a fine one to be complaining about what people say and do on Facebook! I'm a Facebook fiend! I can't get enough of it! But I always say if I annoy you, you know where the 'unfriend' button is.
One of the best things about Facebook is when you get to be nosey and look at people's pics you don't even know. You start off having a stalk on a colleagues page then before you know it your looking at their sister's brother in laws cousins wedding pics and then your like 'Erm what am I doing? I don't even know these people' Lol - don't lie and say you haven't done it.
Do you know what else I can't stand? Random friend requests. Erm, we have no friends in common, you look weird and your from a completely different part of the world - I do not know you so no, we can't be 'friends' I mean, how do these people in find you?? Who are they??
Right OK, I think I'm done. And breeaattheee. Stress isn't good for the cells. My cells are already weirdo's they don't need extra stress.
I was just having an email conversation with my sis in law, she said she hopes I feel better and I was like well I am and I'm not in as much pain but I still feel so exhausted. I wish I could think of a better word because exhausted doesn't really cover it. I was saying to her it's weird to feel this knackered when you haven't done anything to warrant it. Oh well never mind.
So yesterday I went and fed a friend's cats as she is away on honeymoon. I also fed her parent's cats as they are away at the moment too. Her Mum and Dad live about 5 mins away in a car and she lives about 7 mins away in a car I don't drive so I had to walk. I walked to her parent's in around 20 mins and had 3 cats to feed, one of which has a small bum hole so needs laxatives in order to shite (seriously, no lie). I gave her her laxatives via a syringe in the mouth and went upstairs to clear the litter tray. Poor little bugger hadn't made the litter tray and I trod in it's runny lump of poo. IN FLIP FLOPS. Yep, poo all over my foot. After dry-heaving for a good 5 minutes I managed to clean it all up then made my way to Becci's house which was another 20 mins or so away. I fed her (normal) cats and came home, had a shower and went to bed. I was so tired and really I wasn't up to it and shouldn't have gone but I couldn't leave the poor cats especially the one with the small bum hole so I just got on with it but when I got home I ended up texting her best friend and luckily she's going to feed them in the morning and I'll do them in the evenings when Sami can drive me to each house. Why does this stuff happen to me? I swear I can't just have a nice, normal life!
Not being able to drive is stupid. Sooo many people are surprised or say why? Well, the answer is I'm not allowed. Two of my medications can cause blurry eye sight so I'm not able to drive. Plus most of the time I'm so tired I don't think it would be safe. I hope one day I can come off theses meds and as soon as I do I will most certainly learn to drive.
Ok so I said I'd end this post on a happy note but clearly I'm in a ranty mood! Hmm how can I end it happily...Ooooh I know! Its my wedding dress fitting in exactly 3 weeks! I can't wait to put it on again. OMG so excited. They are going to measure me then it will be made from scratch according to my measurements which is great but it means whatever size I am is the size I have to be in October. No pressure! I've lost around 12lbs since Christmas and I was hoping to lose another 6lbs but as I've been feeling so weird and ill I've had to go on a course of steroids which ALWAYS make me gain weight so rather than lose I'm probably gonna gain but hey, my health is waaay more important than how much I weigh so I'm just gonna get on with it. I'm blatantly gonna look amazing in my dress anyway...I joke. But seriously.
OK I shall leave it there and hopefully the next time I blog I'll be in a better place, mentally and physically.
I've actually thought I might have dementia at one point. God Lupus brain fog is scary and weird and kind of interesting. Here's a little info about it so you might be able to understand what I'm talking about:
http://www.mollysfund.org/2013/06/lupus-brain-fog-what-is-it-and-how-do-you-cope-2/
Peace out.
So I'll start off with the whinging then I'll move on to happier stuff as it will be a better way to end this post.
I woke up Friday feeling like death warmed up and I'm still feeling like it. I'm in so much pain I'm trying not to wail like a some kind of wild animal - I'm still really surprised my neighbours haven't called the RSPCA yet. One day they will turn up the door and say 'excuse me, we've had reports of a distressed and possibly dying animal in this flat' Lol.
We got back from France last Monday after spending 6 days there for our friend's wedding. We had a busy but very lovely time although I was tired when we got back I felt relatively OK. We had so much fun and luckily I only felt ill on the last 2 days (probably because we drank more than any human should and we were ultra busy) but we had a blast and met some really cool people. I especially loved meeting Daryl and Luke - Becci's friends from the Shopping Centre where she owns her shop, Daryl also owns a shop and Luke works at the television centre there. We got on so well and Daryl and Sami had a little bro-mance which was cute. I look froward to seeing those bitches again.
Anyway so after a blast in France I was feeling pretty alright considering and decided to go to work on Thursday after a day of chilling and a day of catching up with the housework. Work was fine and afterwards Sil and I went out for a few drinks and to watch the England game (what a load of shite!) and Friday I felt OK but then in the evening I felt awful. I was hot, sweating, my head hurt, my whole body hurt and I was exhausted. Saturday was no different but I managed to pull myself together and go out for my Sister in laws birthday. We went out for a meal and then the plan was to go to a few bars afterwards but Sami and I went straight home which is so unlike me - if there's a party, I'm there! So that made me feel a bit shitty but there was no way I could have carried on, I was exhausted and in a lot of pain - not a good mix. We got home and I went to bed and didn't get out of bed until around 6pm on Sunday.
It's like every bit of energy I had has been sucked out of me. I feel horrendous. I can't even think. An example being when I made myself a poached egg on toast and brought it to the table I realised I only had a fork so went back to the kitchen to get a knife but came back with a fork. I realised and went back again and came back with another fork! I now had 3 forks and still no knife and I kid you not, I did it AGAIN. So there I was with four forks and still no knife. Four Forks sake (I know, sorry about that but I couldn't resist) What an imbecile. (It only took me three goes to spell that word.)
I can't even type any more because I keep forgetting how to spell words, what word I'm looking for and to be honest I'm fecked. Bed time for me (it's 3.30pm). I'll be back...
Tuesday
Well, I'm feeling slightly more with it today which is nice! I'm forcing myself to chill against my will and I'm booorreeed. I got the laptop out and I've just been doing some wedding bits like chasing biyartches up that haven't got back to me and I've made a spreadsheet. I love spreadsheets. I need to do some housework but I don't have the energy so I'm just gonna have to sit here all day looking at things I need to and should be doing.
It's hard not doing stuff when you know you shouldn't. If I start trying to do stuff I'll end up feeling 10x worse and then I'll be all like 'Faye, you knew you shouldn't have done that' and then I feel stupid. So today, I will chill. And try not to eat loads of crap. I like eating when I feel rubbish.
Anyway, it's only 9am and I've already received 3 emails from friends and acquaintances asking me to sponsor them for something or other for some charity or other. Now, don't get me wrong, I love charities and what they're all about but seriously if I sponsored every person who asked me to, I'd be a broke ass mother fucker wearing charity shop (oh the irony) shoes and living off food bank cast offs. So no, sorry I won't be sponsoring you for your walk down the road or your jog because one day you might be sponsoring me just to live.
I do my bit by donating to Cancer Research every month, I regularly give clothes to charity shops and I always donate to Children in Need so I can decline your invite to your charity sponsorship form with a clear conscience. Good on you for doing something and fair play to you but no, I won't be getting involved.
Urgh and what about those shitty I'm not drinking alcohol for a month ones? I mean are you for real!!? You want me to sponsor you to NOT drink alcohol? I'd rather sponsor you to drink alcohol and maybe you won't be so bloody boring. I understand the cause is great but I refuse to sponsor someone for that. If you can't lay off the booze for a month without having to be paid for it then you need someone to sponsor you to go to rehab mate.
Whilst I'm having a rant I may as well have a rant about the things people put on Facebook. I cannot abide it when I see a pic of some poor abused dog or a woman beaten up by her husband. I do not want to see that shit. I know it happens, I'm aware we live in a cruel world but when I go on Facebook it's a way of escaping reality and I do not appreciate being slapped in the face with the harsh reality of a picture of a dog with an ear missing. Unless you are physically going out and preventing this from happening you are not helping by sharing a graphic photo. I just like to see people's whiney status' about how boring their day is at work or what they ate for dinner. I do not want to scroll down and see a mangled dog or face. Stop it.
Oh and another thing that really gets my goat is when Facebook suddenly becomes the fecking weather channel. I know it's hot/cold/raining! I don't need 12 acquaintances telling me so! 'Ooooh its snowing!' Oh wow, great observation. Well done. I don't mind when people are saying nice things like 'Oh I love the sun' or whatever but when people literally just put 'snow!' or 'This rain is so bad' or something like that I'm like Grrrr!! Here this goat says it all...
Hmm, I'm a fine one to be complaining about what people say and do on Facebook! I'm a Facebook fiend! I can't get enough of it! But I always say if I annoy you, you know where the 'unfriend' button is.
One of the best things about Facebook is when you get to be nosey and look at people's pics you don't even know. You start off having a stalk on a colleagues page then before you know it your looking at their sister's brother in laws cousins wedding pics and then your like 'Erm what am I doing? I don't even know these people' Lol - don't lie and say you haven't done it.
Do you know what else I can't stand? Random friend requests. Erm, we have no friends in common, you look weird and your from a completely different part of the world - I do not know you so no, we can't be 'friends' I mean, how do these people in find you?? Who are they??
Right OK, I think I'm done. And breeaattheee. Stress isn't good for the cells. My cells are already weirdo's they don't need extra stress.
I was just having an email conversation with my sis in law, she said she hopes I feel better and I was like well I am and I'm not in as much pain but I still feel so exhausted. I wish I could think of a better word because exhausted doesn't really cover it. I was saying to her it's weird to feel this knackered when you haven't done anything to warrant it. Oh well never mind.
So yesterday I went and fed a friend's cats as she is away on honeymoon. I also fed her parent's cats as they are away at the moment too. Her Mum and Dad live about 5 mins away in a car and she lives about 7 mins away in a car I don't drive so I had to walk. I walked to her parent's in around 20 mins and had 3 cats to feed, one of which has a small bum hole so needs laxatives in order to shite (seriously, no lie). I gave her her laxatives via a syringe in the mouth and went upstairs to clear the litter tray. Poor little bugger hadn't made the litter tray and I trod in it's runny lump of poo. IN FLIP FLOPS. Yep, poo all over my foot. After dry-heaving for a good 5 minutes I managed to clean it all up then made my way to Becci's house which was another 20 mins or so away. I fed her (normal) cats and came home, had a shower and went to bed. I was so tired and really I wasn't up to it and shouldn't have gone but I couldn't leave the poor cats especially the one with the small bum hole so I just got on with it but when I got home I ended up texting her best friend and luckily she's going to feed them in the morning and I'll do them in the evenings when Sami can drive me to each house. Why does this stuff happen to me? I swear I can't just have a nice, normal life!
Not being able to drive is stupid. Sooo many people are surprised or say why? Well, the answer is I'm not allowed. Two of my medications can cause blurry eye sight so I'm not able to drive. Plus most of the time I'm so tired I don't think it would be safe. I hope one day I can come off theses meds and as soon as I do I will most certainly learn to drive.
Ok so I said I'd end this post on a happy note but clearly I'm in a ranty mood! Hmm how can I end it happily...Ooooh I know! Its my wedding dress fitting in exactly 3 weeks! I can't wait to put it on again. OMG so excited. They are going to measure me then it will be made from scratch according to my measurements which is great but it means whatever size I am is the size I have to be in October. No pressure! I've lost around 12lbs since Christmas and I was hoping to lose another 6lbs but as I've been feeling so weird and ill I've had to go on a course of steroids which ALWAYS make me gain weight so rather than lose I'm probably gonna gain but hey, my health is waaay more important than how much I weigh so I'm just gonna get on with it. I'm blatantly gonna look amazing in my dress anyway...I joke. But seriously.
OK I shall leave it there and hopefully the next time I blog I'll be in a better place, mentally and physically.
I've actually thought I might have dementia at one point. God Lupus brain fog is scary and weird and kind of interesting. Here's a little info about it so you might be able to understand what I'm talking about:
http://www.mollysfund.org/2013/06/lupus-brain-fog-what-is-it-and-how-do-you-cope-2/
Peace out.
Faye, I'm so happy you have something so special (your wedding) that can help to pull you out of the dumps when you feel so crappy. I know it doesn't make you feel physically any better, but mentally, it can help you through. When I think of you with this awful disease we have, I can't help but think of my daughters (and my son, too), and how much I would hate to have them going through this being so young. You are so very strong and I admire you for that. I hate the Lupus fog part. Bad enough I'm old. But people who don't fully understand this disease (including my family at times) don't understand when I can't think of a word and laugh and blame it on my age. It's not funny. It's very hurtful and frustrating. Probably because "I don't look sick". Hmmmm...haven't we heard that before??? I hope today is better for you, and tomorrow even better. Joyce
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words joyce! It really is frustrating when you have the brain fog but i just try to remember it will get better. Thats why i set up this blog to try amd make people realise that although i do not look sivk i do feel it! Xxx lots of love to you xx
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